Comments : Where Paradise is Lost

  • 4 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I enjoyed reading especially the ending
    the part about feeling alive. I cn relate to that feelings o well.

  • 4 years ago

    by L

    In my chest, its tears sliding downward,

    ^^ I wonder what the its represent

    The tears of the boat or the tears of boardwalk

    Edit: never mind, the it's tears are in reference to the chest hehe I just realized it.

  • 4 years ago

    by shakil ahmed

    Superb i really love your poem. Your stream unhindered flows. It is not like the haughty camel i ride.

  • 4 years ago

    by LittleMermaid

    Oh my Goodness!
    Its so amazingly written!

    i really missed reading ur poems..
    how much i love the way you present the matters..
    this poem is another excellent work from our great poet! so perfect!
    *_*

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    I see this was written for a club challenge so perhaps some of it is not true but...for some reason I think at least 75% is drawn from persomal experience...

    I guess I can say I've crossed one too many oceans,
    realising too late that all this time, they were merely
    backwaters of your beaten-up subconscious.

    ^^^

    I have read this first stanza over and over and..I'm not sure if it should be subconscious or subconcsiiousness...I get mixed up with nouns/adjectives...whatever...maybe ask someone else?

    You watched my shadow growing, but I didn't know
    that trying to reach the horizon is as stupid as
    trying to touch the specks and blues of the sky.

    ^^^

    Are you speaking of someone who was distant in your life here...I'm not too sure but I think you are maybe disappointed with this person?

    I bent over the water, waiting for it to swallow me
    whole; I saw myself instead. A sunken boat:

    Rippling.
    Vanishing.
    Reappearing.

    ^^

    This part I absolutely adored..the reflection of yourself in the water can make all these things seem possible!

    By then I thought I knew of life and death more than
    the dead themselves ever knew. Perhaps it was
    the light that blinded me, or the lack thereof
    that made me glimpse a flicker of paradise.

    ^^^

    This has me definately guessing because...I'm not sure what you mean exactly...I think the light is a metaphor for something you hoped would eventuate?

    There,
    at the precipice of a boardwalk - brown and
    unvarnished -

    There,
    I became
    a traveler;
    a dreamer;
    a footnote;
    closure.

    ^^^

    I like how you described the boardwalk here...unvarnished = uncared for...

    I felt a warmth birthed inside of me - crying
    in my chest, its tears sliding downward,
    evaporating at the same time, upward,
    until I am filled with it. And I felt whole.
    I guess I felt surrender, and I thought,

    'this is how it must feel like - to be alive'

    ^^^

    Ending left me wondering...for some reason I thing you still felt unfulfilled....just my thoughts..

    Enjoyed it...once again!

    • 4 years ago

      by Xanthe

      Thanks, Hellon. The topic was about boardwalks. Other than that part, yes, I guess it is rather personal.
      And I checked, subconcious may be an adjective or a noun.
      :)

  • 4 years ago

    by Daylight Lucidity

    Beautiful....

  • 4 years ago

    by Brooklyn

    I LOVE THIS!

  • 4 years ago

    by Darren

    What a great first stanza
    To take something as vast as an ocean and pull it right back into something as tepid as a backwater is brilliant crafting. But it works with the subconscious part, because backwater seems more muddled, more indifferent than the magnificence of an ocean.
    Then the mention of the horizon immediately makes us look out for something more, you suggest there is something better out there, yet you know you are trapped, you cannot reach it.
    The pace slows right down in stanza 3, you pause, reflect upon a reflection, a sunken boat!!
    Great imagery here, very clever indeed, boats should be free, limitless on oceans, unless like you feel yourself, are sunken.
    Love the break, just a reminder of the scene

    Rippling (the tide)
    Vanishing (your reflection, your dreams?)
    Reappearing ( ^^^^)

    This middle stanza is a realization of wasted years/months. You thought you knew who you were and where you were headed, yet now you feel unsure. Something has changed your mind and offered you a different path.

    You then drop in the boardwalk, setting it appropriately in the scene, that is still calm and idyllic.
    This is where the realization is final,
    moving on to the end of the poem, where you realise you are not trapped, fate is in your hands, you just need to be prepared to make the journey.
    Great piece again Xanthe, you have this amazing ability of being able to pick us up and drop us into your world momentarily,

    • 4 years ago

      by Xanthe

      Thanks, Darren, for the lovely comment. And everyone!

  • 4 years ago

    by Sakura chan

    Ahh~ very interesting.... ^^'

  • 3 years ago

    by LittleMsPink

    Love it