Comments : The Lonely Ones

  • 5 years ago

    by L

    I have no idea, only a mod can say. I think

    But back to the question... Where do all the lonely people go? I think to go where they are no longer feeling lonely ?

    One may be in a crow and feeling lonely so they may want to go alone to feel all right... Those alone may want to go find a group an perhaps not feel lonely..

    Just sharing some thoughts, I like the poem.

  • 5 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    A poem that gives the reader to think a lot about. There are so many lonely people in this planet and at times we just don't know but can see it on one's face.

    This read can also taken as a war within oneself and how it fights to get out of this hole of loneliness while seeing others around oneself in the same situation..interesting write :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Hellon

    I think, by putting commas around the borrowed words/sentences it should be ok...I would call it wordsmithing. Having said that...when you also use your own..it's making the poem slightly busy looking right now. I know you want the reader to pause in between Me, Myself and I but you could always use my little favourite (...) for this? This probably wouldn't work if you are trying to separate the characters I know as you speak of them in past tense and they seem to have a separate identity from you right now...hope you know what I mean...you are speaking in third person and past tense all rolled into one?

    It needs a bit of work IMO but...it was an interesting read....just needs a little tightening up here and there...maybe a bit of a haircut in some lines :)

    I do love Eleanor Rigby BTW..one of my favourite songs.

  • 5 years ago

    by Robert

    I like this poem, nice work.

  • 5 years ago

    by Fading Memory

    Heh great one belongs to a stranger to I one

  • 5 years ago

    by Fading Memory

    Heh great one belongs to a stranger to I one

  • 5 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    This is very unique, although kind of awkward to read with the beginning of the sentences start with "Me" and"myself" instead of I ...but I definitely understand what you were going for, and it works...just not used to reading in third person, I suppose. :) The repetition of using me, myself and I work really well, so good job.

    I think you are trying to use the "Me" and Myself" and "I" as three different people, especially caught onto that in the 'I' is burned out and lazy, going crazy, changes, changes, changes, it's never easy." ... because if you were meaning yourself, you would say 'I' AM burned out and lazy ...and so on.

    I think I'm beginning to confuse myself by trying to explain... I hope you will understand and know that I know what you are saying by this poem, but I just can't write it properly in this damn comment. Haha

    Anywho,

    I like the addition of the bits and pieces from Eleanor Rigby ... it gives it character.

    Overall, a really nice piece of work. I like something that is very thought provoking and makes me think outside the box.

    Adding to my favorites! :)

  • 5 years ago

    by The Queen

    I don't think you've broken any rules, so long you give them proper credit, like mentioning the lines along with the author in your author's note.

    I love those lines, powerful and really stimulating. I think you did well, combining them with your creative ideas.

    Nice poem!

  • 5 years ago

    by WintersAngel

    Great poem!!

  • 5 years ago

    by Alanis

    This poem is astounding, its unusual and original, which is what all poets crave. Your descriptions r uncanny and well worded*^^ keep writing

  • 5 years ago

    by Noor hazeema

    True lines ..

  • 5 years ago

    by PorcelainMoon

    You're better then many of the higher rated poets, just saying.

    Dean-

  • 4 years ago

    by David Amenger

    On point.

  • 4 years ago

    by Cara

    Nice poem

  • 4 years ago

    by LittleMsPink

    Great poem

  • 4 years ago

    by Burning Angel

    I love this poem!

  • 4 years ago

    by Brittany Ottmo

    Wow, I like this one too!!! Very good write dear! :)

    *~BrittBratt~*

  • 4 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    That's truly an interesting work, the use of the outdated phrase "me, myself and I", has been completely twisted around and used in such an innovative manner

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    This is a great piece.

    The use of me myself and I saying used and twisted because of the loneliness, nicely done.

    Em

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    *double post