Comments : Petrichor

  • 4 years ago

    by Redangelwings

    First- I like how you started this out here. The word bottle it excellent because when you bottle something up you want to keep it for a long time. You want to smell this thing over and over again because you love this smell. I loved how you described the trees as lumber Jack's nook. That was a very good way to word what you wanted to say. This is a great start and makes me want to read more as well.

    Second- wow! The second stanza really paints a beautiful picture. Let me start out by saying that the wind does mask a lot of smells. I love dewy fingerprints that line to so deep and interesting. I love the wording at the end of the stanza as well. It seems you are saying you never want this aroma to leave the place where you live. I like it because we all have that one smell we never want to loose and if we do we crave it for a very long time.

    Third- you say these seeds are now what you smell and you are disappointed in them. Helicopter orbit is very unique and says a lot. Now these seeds cover the whole area with their smell and the real smell is hiding or went away. I love how you compare the squirrel and his acorns. That just tells me this smell of rain is one of your favorite and now you have to wait to whiff it again. The ending is very simple but is very strong at the same time. You have to wait now for the sky to get cloudy then you will be happy again. I love how you make this smell out to be an addiction of sorts. You want to hold onto to it forever. This was a very unique idea though. Well done. I think you nailed it spot on!

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    Hannah...you're on a roll here girl...the stuff you are writing at the moment...I'm just loving...including this one!

    I tried to bottle a whiff of you
    last night while you
    sweated on the bark of
    a lumber jack's nook.

    First up, using the word whiff just made me smile because, although it's used frequently in the scottish vocabulary very seldom do I use it here in oz..unless I'm speaking with a fellow scot!

    However, the wind is selfish
    and snatched you away before
    I could grasp dewy fingerprints
    and plead for you to nest in
    my neck of the woods infinitely.
    ^^^

    I like how you portray the wind as being selfish and...it is sometimes. I have beautiful honeysuckle growing outside my bedroom window but...the wind blows the scent away from it...yeah...it's selfish for sure.

    Maple tree seedlings disguised
    your direction with their
    helicopter orbit while
    you stashed yourself away
    like a squirrel would hibernate
    his most delectable acorns -

    This I loved...brought back so many memories of throwing these little helicopter seed pods in the air when I was a child...very nostalgic moment for me here :)

    and once again,
    I'm left here scentless
    until the day the weatherman
    signals your homecoming.

    Loved the ending...you want to capture this moment over and over again...next time you promised yourself you will be more prepared...you probably won't I'd imagine...loved it!

  • 3 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    Cool poem::

    welcome back
    peace & love midnight sky