Comments : Better Than This

  • 5 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Love is blind, Harlea, so you are not to blame. I do hope you will get a good man, who deserves you, hun. It is always the good people that suffer most, because they are blind to bad characteristics of others. If you don't know what to watch out for, it is difficult to avoid the "bad apples".

    I hope all is well with you, you look beautiful and healthy in the picture of your avatar *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 5 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Normally, I'm not fond of rhyming pieces, however this one caught my eye and I really loved how it made the poem flow smoothly throughout.

    Beginning: Just like Ingrid stated, love is blind! Once we are attracted to someone, we only see their good qualities...we let our feelings take over and imagine 'love' with them... but in reality, they fool us into seeing qualities they necessarily don't possess. Sometimes all a guy has got to do is tell a girl she's beautiful and she is under his arm and thinking he is "the one". No matter what anyone says, friend/family, etc... you will never take their warnings because you think they are wrong.

    Middle: I'm not sure if 'knocked me down' is meant literally, as in abuse... or if you are saying he belittled you, knocking your confidence down, possibly name calling, etc. Either one is terrible to go through. Having someone you love completely degrade you is one of the worst feelings in the world.

    I like the use of how he is your king and you feel like a peasant. It shows the power he holds over you.

    "I'm the peasant with the too big heart."

    - I think you could find a stronger synonym for 'too big'. It kind of made me stumble reading it, so finding one would definitely help the flow tremendously!

    Ending: This person changed who you were, you view the world/people differently now.

    "Any questions asked was shut up with a kiss"

    -I think silenced would sound better than shut up. Like the 'too big' on the previous stanza, I kind of stumbled on this wording, too. Just a suggestion, though.

    I like the ending, you realized you were being treated wrong and that you deserved better than what you were receiving. Good for you, girl! Some people get sucked in by these people and don't know how to find their way out.

    My only other nit-pick that I'm going to point out is the capitalization of every line. It isn't needed. Follow the sentence structure and it will read more smoothly. :)

    Overall, nicely done Harlea!

  • 5 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    First- Love can be a very difficult thing to handle at any point in our lives. But I like the wording you used here. Even though people talk about a person we see them in a different light. We want to find thay one person and give them our heart. Then when we get hurt it feels like the end of the world. That's a part of life sadly it's a circle of sadness. Anyway I like the way you started this poem. You seem to put it all out there which is okay for me because it draws you into what the writer was feeling at the time. Even what they actually or you actually went through.

    Second- Ny favourite saying is "abused hearts love the most" I think that takes front stage here. You seemed to be very kind hearted and I think if the one you love hurts you, it's even worse. Also think when one thing falls apart it starts something downfall. Again I liked the wording you used here because it's simple but it gives a strong tone of sadness and gives me as the reader a small insight into each characters personality.

    Ending- A person always deserves better than what they go through. Especially when they do nothing wrong. I loved the way you ended this. I especially liked the second and last lines. A kiss is something that we cannot take lightly at all and when your heart gets pulled when it's hard to get away. Now the last line holds so much power. Through out the whole poem you say that you have been hurt all along and it seems like it's hard for you to move on from this person. Overall I liked it. The rhyming was great and flow was good. I liked the consistant through out :)