Comments : Broken

  • 3 years ago

    by OHgreenman

    I understand the pain and keep strong...keep going forward...something will give. Also know it's not your fault.

  • 3 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Oh sweet one, this broke my heart.
    I know your heart aches for her..

    the elegance of this piece is beautifully sad.. It needed to be written.. I adore this poem..
    hugs you!!

  • 3 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I thought that mask
    I once wore was
    put away for good
    you know which one
    I'm talking about
    we all wear it
    from time to time

    that porcelain smile?

    yeah, that's the one!

    - I think this opens the poem up in the simple way of exactly where you are taking the poem. The fact that you wear this mask, but you then suggest we all wear it, which we do. So straight away we can all relate to the idea of pretending to be ok when really we don't want to pretend anymore.

    just when I thought
    life couldn't get any better
    someone came along
    and just ripped my
    heart right out of my chest
    by disappearing with
    one of my most
    precious treasures

    - I don't like the word "just" being used here. I see why you picked it, to show how quick this happened. But it also implies just as in, only. You could either leave it out, or change it to something like, harshly, mercilessly, vastly, to name a few.
    This verse is so touching because you admit to life being sunny and worthwhile right before this happens, so it creates the impact of how it has went from one extreme to the next :(

    it's extremely painful
    and very difficult
    to get out of bed
    and deal with daily life
    but I must
    so on goes that mask
    for the world to see
    the happiness and smiles
    yet behind it
    the tears flow and
    I feel nothing but
    broken

    - I like the last word being the title. I think it also sums up the poem and your emotions.

    - I am glad you managed to write this out, although I think it is so sad you have this going on. I hope poetry helps you express the pain.

    thinking of you always, please keep writing. x

  • 3 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I can feel the pain but in time it will get better. It makes us stronger. Stop blaming yourself. Keep writing, you are doing a wonderful job.