Sweet release

I do not understand what this life has planned.
I'm confused on what even lead me to this man.
What makes me stay, what makes me act this way?
Why do i hurt myself to bring other joy?
The only thing I'm sure of is i love my sweet Lil boy.

I try to stay focused.
I try to stay calm.
I'm all mixed up inside and i don't know where i go wrong.
I believe in the word try.
Try to be happy. Try to have faith.
Try to be simple and try to accept your place.

But this man...
He hurts me, He makes me cry.
I love him so deeply and i show that every time!
He say he loves me, but cant explain why.
Is that normal or another lie?

What do i believe?
What should i say?
What am i going to have to tell my son about his dad and the way he behaves?

Will my son pick up on it and repeat his cycle?

I'm torn apart, feels like torn between worlds.
Of this make believe happy, and this reality that's a blur.

When he is standing their in front of me,
I feel this rush of pain yet i watch myself lean into to him just to make it go away!

Why do i do this?
Why do i care?
for a man with a million excuses as to why he cant be here!

I'm abandoned I'm cold.
I'm shot to dust as my story unfolds.

I want to break down, i want to cry.

But my son is looking at me with those precious blue eyes.
I cant let Liam down i cant bare to try.
I have to stay strong for those baby blue eyes.
He is my rock tho so small.
He has my heart buried deep within his walls.
His little finger pull me in close.
He needs my love.
and that i know!