Comments : Below the Oak Tree

  • 4 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    Gone are the stormy nights and rainy days.,
    gone are the troubles and the problem solving ways.
    The voyages that we hitch hiked,
    the pristine Brooks where we biked.
    I love the imagery you have painted in this opening stanza, very realistic and details greatly the beauty of nature also embraced with fond personal memories - great work

    from the cold shady woods,
    to the little man bridge that once stood.
    from those small little trails,
    to the strongest of the gales.
    I like the rhyming scheme you have utilised here with line a and b then line c and d very effective as well as it makes the poem flow really well.

    All that's left are the trails and woods,
    gone is the person who there stood.
    strong as a pillar always right by me,
    keeping me bound and yet free.
    This stanza is touching, people often walk out of your life and you have depicted this sense of loneliness really well

    gone is the fun of hitch hiking,
    there's no point in going biking.
    For the beauty of the trails and woods is gone, all that calls me now is the green lawn.
    Life is meaningless when you lose someone you love as the place often brings with it the happiness you had once felt. I believe you have melded this message nicely here.

    where just below the oak tree,
    just below the world so free.
    lies my heart, my soul, my universe,
    leaving me struck with a curse.
    Very interesting, I like how you have highlighted how important these symbols in your life mean so much to you it is very impressive

    to survive the storms alone,
    to be alive while you are gone.
    to keep going till the heavens call for me,
    and live and die away from thee
    A sad yet deep way to end such a lovely poem. Lost love or life is something everyone of us find hard to deal with, people deal in different ways it is what makes us humans. This poem really touched me and you have worded it so beautifully

    5/5 from me

    • 4 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Thank you sir, for such a great response to my work. I hope you keep reading my poetry as well as reviewing it. Thank you

  • 3 years ago

    by Em

    The imagery you set in the first stanza is amazing and captivates me to read on as it's breathtakingly beautiful. It ends as beautiful as it starts line by line, stanza by stanza it grips me.

    Written well as always and you keep the flow and rhyming throughout.


    • 3 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Thank you Em for actually taking the time to read the poem and evaluating it on these parameters.