Comments : The vast memories of a shadow man

  • 9 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    Shadow man:

    Hey you!
    Yes you!
    Why do you seem so confused?
    Haven't you ever had time to think about me?
    After all I am always everywhere you go...
    For once, I am asking you to take a 'mental' moment
    to relax as I tell you about one of the many places, I have been.
    ^
    This is truly hilarious I'm sorry to me it is a great opening stanza it's just shouting and getting your attention but at the same time it's hilarious because your "inner you" wants to have a chat with you and I'm sure it's not going to be "hey I missed you" it's going to be the " o by the way if you forget me I will remind you that I'm not going to be leaving you any time soon in your lifetime!" one

    Shadows misted across dawn skylines:

    In the early morning hours,
    Silhouetted by the meshing -
    Of darkness and dawn light,
    A city submerges underneath
    A dome of twinkling star lights.

    Beautiful vivid picture! Truly stunning scenery and I love how it's like darkness and light a balance in my eyes and then the city shows up either in the sky or reflected on a river perhaps since rivers reflect what is around them still beautiful though

    The array of shadows like puffy shaped clouds
    Line the distance like city buildings.
    Differing heights and sizes
    All provide an essence of
    terrestrial living.

    Scary stuff here maybe it's the damned in a city? Who truly knows? Hmmm it does sound like souls standing side by side and since it's on the earth so hmm interesting, I'll think of an answer later I'll keep pondering this stanza

    Cities forever changing,
    As the shadows move and reconstruct
    Differing abiotic structures
    Forming through the rising
    Light of the sun.
    ^
    Makes me think of the movie called "The Maze Runner" how that " city" kept on changing since it was a challenge how to get out but that's the only connection I'm getting it's like a floating city that can never be truly seen by one mortal or another

    A city so precious,
    As it lays hidden
    throughout the day and night,
    Only in the sunrise minutes does
    It reveal itself to human eyes.
    ^
    Hehe my earlier comment was half correct, but it does show itself to mortals hmm intriguing maybe it's heaven? Or is it where souls lay in the in between or maybe it's not even that. But it is a city that is apart from humanity and only on those stolen moments will humanity see what they can never be part of

    Shadow man:

    As you can see,
    I am not always following your every foot step.
    I have better things to do...
    More important things to do!
    I am your guardian angel,
    protecting you with every passing moment.
    ^
    Ah that's so beautiful!!! I love guardian angels they probably don't my life to guard I'm too boring or too annoying o well back to the comment! I'm happy that the voice isn't a creepy one that the man made himself, also happy that you made a poem with a guardian angel since it's rare that someone will make a poem containing "guardian angels" rare that I've read so that's icing on the cake for me nice job!

    I guide your feet in every path and direction,
    I'm always lingering by your side when I am not
    decorating the skies.
    Now another moment, a memory of you and I
    five years ago at the beach shores, walking your dog...
    ^
    You made a slight error you forgot to put a " ' " in the word I'm I love how you make the angel busy and yet not it reminds me how a parent is they guide you to the best of their abilities but they can't always be there for you and also love how you did the imagery not to mention how it will go to a flashback at the end of this stanza

    A boy walking his dog (October 9th 2009)

    Roll roll crash, roll roll crash!
    Salty white foamy waves collapse on the sandy shores.
    Roll roll crash, roll roll crash!
    My foot prints imprinting a path of a long forgotten past
    Looming over me is my darkening shadow.
    ^
    Hmm interesting you finally made it into a part that has an "I" moment and I love the imagery of the sea have been there once and you nailed it and I love how you put that you're remembering a memory very distant but still love the dog in the flashback a tad more
    Puff, huff, puff, huff.
    My dogs shallow breathing reach my ears.
    I contemplate.
    Visualise.
    What would it be like to talk to my own shadow?
    Do we share the same name?
    Do we reflect the same emotions?
    ^
    The emotions, feelings, and thoughts this stanza has are on it's own plane I have no comments to other than you are talking to your shadow within the poem and who knows if you do share the same name.

    Shadow man:

    I now want to answer your questions.
    Its plain and simple,
    I am your guardian angel,
    sent from God above to protect you.
    I hide my angelic form within a dark figure,
    yet my protection over you will never wither.
    ^
    I love the flow and the beautiful execution within this stanza this is by far my favorite in this poem and another thing I love was that it flowed so beautifully well every stanza does flow but I love how this one has the mention of God so that the city that darkened is the city of angels it literally goes with the saying "don't judge a book by it's cover" nice work!

    I walk eternally beside you...

    We all have different names
    but you can call me your shadow man.
    We all share different emotions
    but a constant feeling inside is...
    Loving you.
    ^
    Awww, an emotional way to end this lovely poem. It made me want to cry and at the same time smile since guardian angels love us!  sorry I know that sounds dump but I can't seem to help it <3 favorite stanza tied with the other one very beautiful!!!! 5/5

    -Mori

    P.S. good challenge Hannah!!! :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    My dogs shallow breathing reach my ears.

    - I think reach should be reaches here.

    What a great in depth write. I loved the flow to this poem, it helps speed the poem up and it really is like you were making us walk within yourself and the shadow. You have done really well to describe the relationship between the shadow and yourself, what you thin of it, what you think it is thinking, and what you think it should be doing/thinking with you, and what it indeed thinks of you.

    I really like how you ask the questions throughout the poem, this often works for me, and in this case it does. I especially like the comforting tone in the poem, and how that shadow is reassuring you that he is always there, and will be following you for eternity. I suppose it is one thing you cannot really escape from, and it is a comforting angle to take this challenge, in the sense that shadows are often haunting or troubling you, yet in this case it is like an angel who is always trying to protect you.

    I love the imagery you made of the beach, and the dog being on the beach, the wording of the dog's movement is excellently worded, really quite precise. I could really imagine myself there, and could see the footprints, and pawprints upon the sand.

    Lovely write!

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    This is truly brilliant Andrew, I loved this prompt because many people took it so many different ways, while I must give it up to the ladies before me for their brilliant comments, so I cannot add much. But I will say this poem is visually appealing in it's wording and unique details, like the waves and the dog, those were the best lines in my opinion. Not a lot of people in poetry will try to use onomatopoeia within the poem, because to me it's not usually used well, but you did well here to not stagger from the flow. But you go from one scene to another here and it seems like you are more than one shadow, you speak like there is a family of shadows or like all shadows are one big family. Anyways brilliant spin on this mate. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    You done so well with the challenge! I love the approach you took as it is completely different than what I expected, instead of taking a 'dark' route, you chose to use it in a loving, 'I'm here for you' way. Making sure that the human attached to the shadow man never feels alone, that no matter what, he will be there, protecting him like a guardian angel.

    I like how you begin with dialogue, it really catches the readers eye, like the shadow man is screaming at us, the readers, to pay close attention at first. But he is screaming at the human who he is attached to. The dialogue itself even has some imagery as I can visualize the shadow screaming in his face, jumping up and down, acting crazy, doing anything to try to get their attention. The questions are intriguing, wondering why he looks so confused, asking if he ever thinks of him. He asks him for once to actually take a break, let his mind rest and to relax and listen to you as you describe all of the journey's he has been on.

    The imagery of the city is absolutely amazing. Your word usage is beautiful and I can truly visualize the silhouettes of the shadows in the city change from dusk to dawn, how they move and shift so elegantly, never the same shadow twice. So breathtakingly beautiful!

    After the imagery, you incorporate the dialogue of the shadow man again. He informs him that he doesn't always follow him around, that sometimes he wonders but no matter what, he is his guardian angel and it is his duty to protect him at all costs.

    The memory was a nice touch, it shows that the shadow man truly cares and pays attention to every little detail of that day, down to the sound of the ocean and the panting of the dogs breath. That day, he was contemplating his shadow... wondering what they would talk about, if they have the same name, reflect the same emotions.

    The shadow man ends with granting his questions with the answers he has longed for - that he is his guardian angel in disguise as a shadow, how they all have different names and emotions but that no matter what, the love he feels for him is constant.

    Truly beautiful! Thank you so much for participating in the WWP. :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    Shadow man:

    Hey you!
    Yes you!
    Why do you seem so confused?
    Haven't you ever had time to think about me?
    After all I am always everywhere you go...
    For once, I am asking you to take a 'mental' moment
    to relax as I tell you about one of the many places, I have been.
    ^
    Awesome opening stanza. It find it pretty witty and funny in a way because we don't really think about out shadows, maybe when we are kids but as we grow older not so much. With that said I like how you opened it bringing to life the shadow, putting the attention onto the shadow and making the shadow speak to you (us) whomever.. Almost like it is your inner self or an angel. Very creative opening which really pulls the reader in and puts a smile on their face, my face anyways. Made me remember when I was a child and how I'd chase my shadow or try to stomp on it ha-ha!

    Shadows misted across dawn skylines:

    In the early morning hours,
    Silhouetted by the meshing -
    Of darkness and dawn light,
    A city submerges underneath
    A dome of twinkling star lights.
    ^
    Beautiful opening to the story of where the shadow comes from, what a vivid picture painted here. I can see the pinks and purples of the first light of dawn peaking through.. Lovely rhyming here, strong images flood my mind with a golden heavenly city in the clouds.

    The array of shadows like puffy shaped clouds
    Line the distance like city buildings.
    Differing heights and sizes
    All provide an essence of
    terrestrial living.
    ^
    Oh my goodness! This is an amazing stanza full of such magic and beauty. The way you explained the shadows which I imagine as angels different heights and sizes is great. It really brings to the forefront how us humans are all different and so makes our shadows unique in themselves. Love the word terrestrial living, really does bring to life the shadows more so than you've already explain, like they are their own living entity.

    Cities forever changing,
    As the shadows move and reconstruct
    Differing abiotic structures
    Forming through the rising
    Light of the sun.
    ^
    I like this stanza, at first it confused me but I then reread it and kind of understood it like. Maybe this city is changing because people are being born and these shadows are coming down from their city and world to accompany us on our journey in life.

    A city so precious,
    As it lays hidden
    throughout the day and night,
    Only in the sunrise minutes does
    It reveal itself to human eyes.
    ^
    This kind of goes back to what I was saying about the first light of day, like in-between earth and space there is heaven and that is this shadow city peaking through. Love the imagery.

    Shadow man:

    As you can see,
    I am not always following your every foot step.
    I have better things to do...
    More important things to do!
    I am your guardian angel,
    protecting you with every passing moment.
    ^
    I was right! Ha.. I kind of get the feeling this shadow man (guardian angel) doesn't quite like his job ha ha. He seems a bit rude in a way, saying he has better things to do lol.. But it's creative.

    I guide your feet in every path and direction,
    Im always lingering by your side when I am not
    decorating the skies.
    Now another moment, a memory of you and I
    five years ago at the beach shores, walking your dog...
    ^
    Love this, it's almost like this person is dreaming about this. His guardian angel is guiding him in his dreams or maybe he has had a bad accident and is seeing the importance of a shadow. I love how you explained how the angel guides his feet because it is not only cute and a play of words but true because when we walk our shadow follows from out feet. I really liked that part.

    A boy walking his dog (October 9th 2009)

    Roll roll crash, roll roll crash!
    Salty white foamy waves collapse on the sandy shores.
    Roll roll crash, roll roll crash!
    My foot prints imprinting a path of a long forgotten past
    Looming over me is my darkening shadow.
    ^
    Whoa the date really brings this more to life, did something happen that day? The repeating surely made this stanza stick out to. I felt fear and anxiety in this stanza a cry for help and danger in the midst.

    Puff, huff, puff, huff.
    My dogs shallow breathing reaches my ears.
    I contemplate.
    Visualise.
    What would it be like to talk to my own shadow?
    Do we share the same name?
    Do we reflect the same emotions?
    ^
    Questions not many would think of, including me. I like how you wondered this.. How perhaps the waters waves and the moment in time gave you this pause of life, your questions wanting to be answered and to understand more.. maybe you were walking your dog right before sunrise and saw the shadow city watching over you which sparked these questions and this thought.

    Shadow man:

    I now want to answer your questions.
    Its plain and simple,
    I am your guardian angel,
    sent from God above to protect you.
    I hide my angelic form within a dark figure,
    yet my protection over you will never wither.
    ^
    Beautiful rhyming, love the description here and the thought behind a shadow. Truly has opened my eyes. Kind of feel bad for stomping on my shadow all those years ha-ha.. "I am your guardian angel,
    sent from God above to protect you." beautiful sentence here, brings warmth to my heart and really surrounds this poem with love. A very creative way to think God gives us guardian angels.

    I walk eternally beside you...

    We all have different names
    but you can call me your shadow man.
    We all share different emotions
    but a constant feeling inside is...
    Loving you.
    ^
    Beautiful ending. A poem that seems really detailed and deep for sure. Something only someone who truly can dive into their faith would come up with something so artistic and magical. You made a lot of sense in this poem and the vivid description you placed throughout it were breathtaking in itself.
    5/5