Thank you for taking part in my contest, and like saffies poem I remember this one as well.
Darkness and scariness are the words that come to mind at first glance through this. Before this person came to this place, there were others before her. That in itself can be a dark thing but you capture the readers attention. With the second stanza you did well to enhance the mood of the poem with your wording, shadows and silhouettes bring a sad and dark feeling to her and goosebumps I feel make her nervous as you were trying to give a personality to the main character, and it worked well. She bows or kneels to something maybe an alter or anything of the sort and this black fog surrounds her and she can barely choke out the words she wants to say. I like the adding of the black fog because it adds a mystery to the whole poem. I love the imagery of the fire cackling, it makes me think of hell or it could be a fire demon and this person is the messager. Great write Hannah, 5/5.
3 years ago
I love the way you wrote this, I do remember the original piece as well, it is amazing the transformation this piece has undergone. It is wonderful seeing how you reworded ideas and reworked the scene ever so slightly. I am sorry that this piece did not win, though it is still absolutely wonderful.
3 years ago
Oh My....I REALLY like this poem I really love your word choice and how you layed out the poem in particular. Beautifully dark and vivd :-)
Great job for the challenge Hannah, as usual, it is your wording that really manages to capture the reader's attention. How you do it so well, I will never know, but will always envy!!
The opening of this poem is so vivid, the description of remains of bodies is very eerie, but at the same time it leaves the reader having to read on to find out more about the scene, and why these bodies are here, what happens next! You build suspense in the beginning which is a great start!
You then go on to describe the detailed story, and the event taking place, I can imagine the terror and fear inside this character, knowing what is about to happen to her, after they have witnessed the remains of others before her, and yet unable to stop it. Terrifying thought!
Your ending is also great, with the chanting, and then the end image of Hell have a mantle top, and the splintered spines being decorations on it! Wow - creepy and very Halloween lol. - you should have write this for the Halloween challenges lol!
Anyway, great job. Your metaphors are always different and unique and you really are talented at putting lines together to acreage strong images!
This week Hannah has visited the dark category and pulled off a very impressive write which is filled with her metaphors that truly capture such vivid imagery. This poem has the potential to give you nightmares after reading it, just like a horror film could do. The poem is put together well and the content is definitely unique.