Silence

What a brilliant write, Darren. The last stanza blew me away. Excellent, excellent piece.

Sad but remarkable. 5/5

Hello Darren,

I stumbled upon this poem of yours. I hope you don't mind if I read through and comment...

The title 'silence' one word meaning - quiet, lack of sound. It also conjures an instant drama and suspense. A good start.

There is no such thing as silence
^
I Like this. In the first line you dispute the concept of silence. This is intriguing and causes this reader to step onto the back foot.

for when I curl into a ball
on a hard floor
holding my ears
tight enough to implode my head
^
This section brings to mind an image of a child, a frightened child forming a safe, fetal position. The description of, hard floor creates a harsh place to be in my mind. The image of ears being held tightly in an attempt to block out noise. Ironic really when the poem is titled 'silence' and it existence disputed in the first line. The fact that you have outlined this makes the image of hands blocking out sound is powerful indeed. very good.

the ringing starts
the chatter
the clatter
the pointing
the laughing
^
Firstly I like these short descriptions, and the rhyme It creates a fast pace and the ability for this reader to appreciate their impact, or this case the noise. Secondly, the effective imagery of being ridicule is great.

the whispering voices
bellowing
never mellowing
in their idealistic retorts
^
The word whispering contradict the seemingly noisy laughter and chatter. This contradiction is pleasing to me and keeps me guessing...
Idealistic retorts, like 'Silence!'

about how a man should be
should feel
should look
should act
should know
^
This creates a swerve ball for me. Here I was thinking of a child when in truth it was a man reduced to child like behaviour in the presence of a critical parent like person. I like this a lot.
.....................
^
This separation line creates a definitive section between the one part and the next.

In my dreams I shrink
down the size of a crumb
^
I decipher from this a nightmare experience. I can relate to this and used to have similar dreams. One point - between 'down' and 'the' I think should be the joining word 'to'?

and roll
still in a ball
to the nearest crevice
where I can exist
on my own
and hide there
for the rest of everyone's lives
^
The description of being as small as a crumb and hiding away to where it safe is creates a sense of hiding away in a form where no one can possibly find and hurt him.

solace is found in solitude
pain lives in your platitudes
^
Good use of alliteration and rhyme.

shame wears me like an overcoat
silence peels my head like an orange.
^
Wow, what a finish, two similes which create a sad pitiful image.

Darren, this is an excellent write and one I enjoyed reading and commenting very much. It kept me guessing, made me take a journey and surprised me.

Take care,

Michael