Comments : Over and Out

  • 2 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy


    This is a deep write. . .

    I think I'm over and out
    a nice way of saying 'finished'
    A bit hunger over as well
    did you mean 'hungover'?
    I fail to adjust here down south
    Live to play another day
    Adjusting to a new environment can make one feel like opting out. All in all a great first stanza.

    In the middle of it all, after all, rise and fall
    nice alliteration, it helps the pace, grace the race...

    Green eyed girl scope out the view, she loves to admire the universe
    Kiss me on the cheek, turn me into a tiny creature
    I like the change in format. A cryptic message. A jealous girl who is able to reduce men to mice with a kiss, perhaps?

    I fight law with the hillbillies,
    hipster cult and blue-collar gangsters
    New York city is soaked in fear
    Trash boutiques - incendiary atmosphere
    World wide, world wild fever
    Brazen crimes fading mysteriously
    She's got nasty leans, shows off her cut mini skirt
    Over and out, through a microscope
    An intense life, a torrent of experiences within a city that never sleeps. This intensity is like being viewed, inspected with a microscope.

    I think I must be over and out
    In between cabin fever and fibromyalgia
    I feel the need to cast away
    Live to play another day
    The pain is physical and mental. A need to escape to find relief.

    A very good poem here.

    Take care,


    • 2 years ago

      by Ridge

      Thanks for the time to post this comment!
      I wrote it in urgency so that I could change it later on not to forget - now I've edited it
      It is indeed to tackle social and professional anxiety - struggle between reality and illusion - thus looking through a kaleidoscope like what a person under influence would see. The search for constant loopholes to beat the stress but who curse you unfortunately.

  • 2 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This is excellent. What stands out to me is that every line says something important - there's no wasted space here. Well done and all the best,