Comments : Over and Out

  • 2 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello,

    This is a deep write. . .

    I think I'm over and out
    ^
    a nice way of saying 'finished'
    A bit hunger over as well
    ^
    did you mean 'hungover'?
    I fail to adjust here down south
    Live to play another day
    ^
    Adjusting to a new environment can make one feel like opting out. All in all a great first stanza.

    In the middle of it all, after all, rise and fall
    ^
    nice alliteration, it helps the pace, grace the race...

    Green eyed girl scope out the view, she loves to admire the universe
    Kiss me on the cheek, turn me into a tiny creature
    ^
    I like the change in format. A cryptic message. A jealous girl who is able to reduce men to mice with a kiss, perhaps?

    I fight law with the hillbillies,
    hipster cult and blue-collar gangsters
    New York city is soaked in fear
    Trash boutiques - incendiary atmosphere
    World wide, world wild fever
    Brazen crimes fading mysteriously
    She's got nasty leans, shows off her cut mini skirt
    Over and out, through a microscope
    ^
    An intense life, a torrent of experiences within a city that never sleeps. This intensity is like being viewed, inspected with a microscope.

    I think I must be over and out
    In between cabin fever and fibromyalgia
    I feel the need to cast away
    Live to play another day
    ^
    The pain is physical and mental. A need to escape to find relief.

    A very good poem here.

    Take care,

    Michael

    • 2 years ago

      by Ridge

      Thanks for the time to post this comment!
      I wrote it in urgency so that I could change it later on not to forget - now I've edited it
      It is indeed to tackle social and professional anxiety - struggle between reality and illusion - thus looking through a kaleidoscope like what a person under influence would see. The search for constant loopholes to beat the stress but who curse you unfortunately.

  • 2 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This is excellent. What stands out to me is that every line says something important - there's no wasted space here. Well done and all the best,
    Ben