Comments : The Predator (Haiku)

  • 3 years ago

    by hiraeth

    A beautiful piece, I'm torn because it feels like both a senryu and a haiku; depending on your perspective, but since you've posted in the nature section, I'm forced to read it as such.

    "Countdown in progress"

    It made me think of the quiet moments right before an animal's hunt, when a tiger stalks its prey, a cheetah slowly creeping on its prey and getting ready to pounce.

    "planning to leave no remains;"

    It made me think of the circle of life, and how animals by nature are not wasteful creatures, and consume the animal/plant entirely.

    "such arrogant mind."

    Probably my favorite part, and the bit that confuses me - is the animal arrogant for consuming its prey, or rather arrogant for enjoying the hunt/likening itself to a predator, or was this poem meant to point out how primitive humanity can be with trophy hunting being a sad reality?

    Anyways, great write. Loved it, got me to think.

    • 3 years ago

      by GB

      Hmmm "Haiku" or "Senryu"?

      You are so smart for bringing this up.
      Practically I wrote this after watching something about animal behavior, so it was spontaneous to post the poem in this section, but to be honest, somehow I'm referring to an aggressive face of human nature as well, for many "predators" these days enjoy the the pain of their victims/preys, arrogantly. ISIS is a simple example...

      It's our choice to read poetry thoughtfully or superficially. Thank you very much for being such reader :)

  • 3 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Dear Samia,

    What a lovely Haiku, each syllable packs a punch!

    Countdown in progress
    ^^
    A predator animal has to be determined and have total focus

    planning to leave no remains;
    ^^
    in nature nothing is wasted and the flesh of a prey serves to quench the hunger of the predator, but also in nature, nothing is wasted. After the predator, the scavengers come, and then the insects!

    such arrogant mind.
    ^^
    Here the twist comes in. The animal predator is being true to his nature and can be forgiven, whereas...the human predator is so often frowned upon for his determination to get his 'prey', even at the expense of his reputation and/or the budding relationship with the person in question.

    Well done, dear.

    Love,
    Ingrid xx

    • 3 years ago

      by GB

      Thank you so much, Ingrid. You grasped many of my thoughts here.

      xoxo

  • 3 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This is excellent Samia, and as Mark says, it could almost be regarded as a haiku or senryu - it has a little of both in it. Maybe they're the best kind. After all, the best poems do have more than one level of interpretation.
    I do love the last line - blunt and effective.
    Well done and all the very best
    Ben

  • 3 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Samia,

    I like these condensed forms.

    I like to use the title to add to them. 'The predator' speak volumes. Initially I thought it could be an animal, but it could also be an animal closer to home: a human, possibly the worst predator of all,because we do it for the worst reason: fun. Anyway, the title offers insight to the poem; and allows pause for thought...

    'Countdown in progress.' - to me this immediately places my mind in the action. The cheetah crouched, her legs like coiled springs. The kinetic energy just waiting to explode into action. I can see her beady eyes, tunnel vision on her prey, an antelope or a zebra perhaps. The clock is ticking and it is only a matter of time before the kill. The anticipation of this line is palpable.

    'planning to leave no remains' - In her mind, her need to feed her cubs, she has already weighed up the prey's size and knows that the whole carcass will be needed to feed her litter. While she slowly stalks closer her mind devours her prize.

    'such an arrogant mind' - this line delivers a punch, a shock of the necessary twist. The idea that the hunter already knows that the prey is hers is arrogant indeed. The fact is that in the wild hunters only successfully capture around 1/7, so the odds are in favour of the hunted.

    On the form: I like the use of one single sentence and the 5,7,5 structure. It is a Haiku/ Senyru at its best. The fact you have used the title to add to the form is excellent use of words when there are so few to be used.

    Well done, and take care,

    Michael