Comments : Lost moments

  • 1 year ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Nominated. I love it

  • 1 year ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Expressive! The power of music, most often claimed to soothe the savage beast, is transformed here to stifle the savaged breast. You are shown here literally losing your "self" in music. First it helps ("chases the dragons of my mind"); then you realize "music cant take away the pain."
    [Minor point, cant = can't]
    In fact, it appears the emotional content of your pain is exacerbated by the music: "Thunderous waves over my heart / bitter tones that make me smart."
    The stifling of emotion is actually enabled by music:
    "music takes away my speech / ... / No pain will they ever glean"

    Until you have built an impenetrable wall sealing off all intimate discovery, using the metaphor of death - representing the death of spirit and love.
    "close my heart and soul / bolster up with heaps of coal / through the shadow of my grave / hear the music glad heavens wave."

    Well done and a belated welcome to PnQ.

    • 1 year ago

      by Milly Hayward

      Thank you so much for such detailed feedback I have only just recently started writing poetry and this was written on an emotional day when I realised that music was making me feel worse.

  • 1 year ago

    by Darren

    Congrats on the win Milly

    • 1 year ago

      by Milly Hayward

      Thank you :) Its my first ever win on anything written so I am over the moon that people like my poetry

  • 1 year ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    The tone of this reaches my heart. The loss of someone is a shadow we can't ever seem to evade. You expressed so much in this piece and I love how much your words flowed too, especially with the rhyme, didn't feel forced.

    Congrats on the win and welcome to PnQ! Please keep writing.

    • 1 year ago

      by Milly Hayward

      Thank you I'm really glad that you liked it. It definitely was written from my heart.

  • 1 year ago

    by Meena Krish

    Loss is so painful and by writing we hope it eases the pain somewhat...but loss never leaves or never fades and the pain is always there. I like your usage of words and how each stanza flows and ties itself into the next till the finish. Beautifully sad and beautifully penned.

    Congrats on the win

    • 1 year ago

      by Milly Hayward

      Thank you Meena really appreciate your comments. This site and all the lovely people on it has really inspired me to keep writing

  • 1 year ago

    by AngelaLuisaCory

    This is beautiful - a really well deserved win

  • 1 year ago

    by SFryers

    This poem shows great sadness and depth of emotion. Can see why it is a winner

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Milly,

    This really is beautiful yet very emotional. It gave me goose bumps. There's a sense of serenity and calm within it though and I could feel it because the dead are at rest. It's kind of hard to explain but I felt quite calmed reading this after a busy morning.

    Your rhythm is kept throughout which keeps it running smooth.
    Congratulations on the win, well deserved. Em

  • 1 year ago

    by Darren

    Judges comment

    There is a very relatable theme to this piece. We have all had those moments. Milly has put that time to good use and written it down. Lovely use of imagery and scene setting. I like the rhyme although a simplistic scheme it works with the simplicity of the whole piece. Some people may call it raw but I feel it is a little more polished than that. I originally scored this a 7 but switched places with my 10. I would have liked to have seen every line have 8 syllables, there is the odd 7 here and there. However Milly has not suggested that all lines have the same syllable count therefore it would be mean on my behalf to fault it. Poetry, particularly free verse knows no boundaries. 10 points

  • 1 year ago

    by Scott Cole

    Beautiful, love it....

  • 5 months ago

    by Pagan Paul

    Musical, like words, can evoke memories of times past. Good and bad.
    Nicely penned write Milly.
    PPx

  • 5 months ago

    by AngelaLuisaCory

    Beautifully written Milly

    I especially loved the visual imagery of 'Spirit twirls in circles sink'.

    Keep writing

    X

  • 5 months ago

    by Tony

    Everyone has a song that speaks to them, trudges up memories, gives them strength, or takes it away. Beautiful piece and a well deserved win.

  • 4 months ago

    by Sai

    Reading this tugged something in me. Music really is capable of conjuring up memories from even the deepest parts of our past. Like poetry, it also draws us closer together.

    I have to say the first stanza is my favourite.

  • 3 months ago

    by CJ Maleney

    I've a little thinking time tonight so trying to catch up on things and read a little of love, loss, hate and joy for all things are contained within.

    So glad I stumbled on this gem by you. The music will always play and sometimes it's a sad melody, yet you can still dance to it.

    Craig x

    • 3 months ago

      by Milly Hayward

      Thank you so much for your lovely comments Craig. It's such a real pleasure for me to hear that you enjoyed reading my poem. Thank you Milly x

  • 2 months ago

    by Sampreeth kotian

    Hi Milly !!! This is such a beautiful poem.. I loved your writing style.. And the sheer rhythm you maintained through out... I aim for the same when I write too.

  • 1 month ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Music is so deeply personal and it's so hard to explain what certain songs can make a person feel, but that's what you've done here and I love it! Such great imagery! =^.^=

  • 1 week ago

    by Joanna Allanson

    I also really love the first stanza of this poem "chases the dragons of my mind" Love it! As Sampreeth commented the rhythm that is maintained throughout really keeps this poem flowing.