Comments : My very last days

  • 2 months ago

    by Bradley Peter

    Hello again, Jenny,

    I'm going to start by reiterating something I mentioned in your piece 'Sundays', which is the rhythm, which is again - I think - thrown off by the difference in line lengths.

    Moving swiftly on. I think you are perhaps limiting yourself with your vocabulary. The English language is a vast and splendid thing. May I suggest that you explore it a little further? I think by expanding on this aspect, you may find a lot of joy. The challenge of putting words together like a jigsaw puzzle can be tricky, but the satisfaction once you've achieved such a thing is glorious.

    I would also ask you to consider your content a little more. You are saying sweet things - I get the sense thus far that sweet is your style, and a wonderful style it is - but I think you can delve deeper into your subject matters. I think this will almost instantly be aided by your exploration of language, but it's just something to think about.

    However, I would like to state that I've found both this and 'Sundays' to be full of innocents and a sense of being carefree. They are both quite light, joyful, in-the-moment pieces

  • 2 months ago

    by Lucifer

    Very Beautiful poem.