You Don't Know What It's Like

*** This is a Pregnancy loss Poem that is quite long. I wanted to warn ahead of time in case of triggering topics!****

You dont know what its like
To have millions of dreams for the future
and then have them ripped away from you
all in a blink of an eye.

You dont know what its like
to love a tiny human you havent even met yet
just to have to say goodbye
before you even said Hello.

You dont even know what its like
To give birth to your child
just to hear "she's gone"
and cry like your heart has been ripped out.

You dont know what its like
to go home with empty arms
when all you want to do
is cling to your child.

You dont know what its like
To never hear their first cry
or laugh, or see their first smile
or hear their first "I love you mommy/Daddy".

You dont know what its like
to feel like you failed your child
when they needed you the most
and hear the words "there is nothing you can do"

You dont know what its like
to hold your child's urn and sob
Sob for the life you never met
sob until there are no more tears left

You dont know what its like
to wake up in the middle of the night
from a horrible nightmare
only to realize it's actually your new reality

You dont know what its like
to feel like there is a hole in your heart
that doesnt seem to ever heal or lessen
but seems to grow deeper with each breath.

You dont know what its like
to be jealous of the people around you
Holding and showing their newborn babies
and Screaming "ITS NOT FAIR!"

You dont know what its like
To be told "GOD HAD A REASON"
and wanting to scream
"You're god must be cruel to want my child dead!"

You dont know what its like
To be stuck in so much pain
and watch the world around you move on
Terrified you're child will soon be forgotten by them.

You dont know what its like
to be so Terrified to talk about them
becuase you dont want to make others uncomfortable
But it pains you deeply to be silent

You dont know what its like
to wake up each morning knowing
your baby is no longer with you,
that you have to keep going on without them

And if you know what it is like
I am so Terribly Sorry for your pain
No one and I mean NO ONE
Should have to go through this pain.
I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy

~~~~~~~~~~~

(To my Daughter Carole Jean who was born sleeping exactly three months ago today on 5/26/17. Born too early at only 5 months of my pregnancy. I love you babygirl Now and forever!!

ALSO! I am NOT bashing anyone's belief with the line "Your god must be cruel to want my child dead!" I was very angry and was angry at all the higher powers for taking my child away from me. I am very opened and respectful when it comes to Religion. Everyone has the RIGHT to believe in what makes them happy :-D)