Comments : Broken pieces

  • 1 month ago

    by BlueJay

    So I have a bit of criticism before I get to what I loved about this piece (and believe me there's a lot about this that I adored). So the one long super shapeless stanza was actually very distracting because there was no flow or creativity to the structure - which is important because it adds a lot to a piece and it also makes your voice even more YOU. Also, the capitalization at the beginning of every line, distracting as well - especially since you decided not to use punctuation (hang on to this thought cause it comes up in the list of things I love also). And finally I wish you had found some way to ephasise the one word lines towards the beginning, that would have created more of a hook and given more people a reason to read through this; however, the super short lines could have been made longer if you decided to use stanzas, and this would give a little more of a consitant rhythm.

    Okay, so I'm sorry the negative stuff was first, it's just that I've read through a bit of your work today, and I see you have awesome ideas, and well, I'm just sharing my 2cents worth of opinion. Here's what I enjoyed:

    I loved the lack of punctuation - I feel like when you're on a roll explaining however you feel or whatever you are thinking that this is the best way to keep your work both pure and a little more flowy as well. Secondly, I enjoyed the way you put your thoughts together, this piece was absolutely not lacking in any story telling elements or engaging emotional elements either. And lastly, I think that the point of this piece was great because it reminds so many people that they don't have to be alone in how they feel, and also that they can overcome how they feel in a variety of ways.

    Nice write. I hope to see more from you, and if my criticism was harsh to you in any way please let me know, and I'll tone down my comments.

    • 1 month ago

      by MS Multani

      You need not to tone anything down since a flaw also speaks an option for a chance to improve
      I will work on it, but the tricky thing is- for me writing is something that chanelize my emotions and it's a means of therapy for me
      I find it hard to let people around me know of my feelings and here it's jst easy to let it all out which ever way I want
      Plzz don't get me wrong I really appreciate your opinion
      Thank you!