Comments : Poem for Danielle (my ex)

  • 11 months ago

    by BlueJay

    So this poem reminds me of a time my friend tried to rhyme grass and happy - not that all your rhymes were off, but that the first stanza didn't exactly set the tone for where you were going and the last stanza took a few too many beats to get to the rhyme - which makes me think that these two instances were forced. But hey, guess what, poems don't have to rhyme! And even better than that, there's a very creative way of having a rhyming poem that does not end or begin with stanzas quite like the rest of the piece, you could have not rhymed at all, or formatted the stanza into two separate lines that rhymed instead of four OR you could have tried out a different line structure. There is no golden rule or book of rules for poetry so write what you feel not what you think others want from you.

    But anyway, that's just some advice if you're interested. Overall this was a cute poem to read and you did a decent job penning it.

    • 11 months ago

      by Robert Long

      thank you for your feedback and so you know i did a challenge with this one...she only gave me 5 minutes and i kept it at that for her

  • 10 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    ah, blast those blasted women, Robert. They really do have the power to mesmerize, tease and traumatise us, don't they? I enjoyed this one a lot.

    Take care and all the best,