Comments : Loves not for me

  • 1 year ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    I would love to offer a few corrections:

    *"Loves not for me" = Love's not for me
    *"That's why I've lock up my feelings" = That's why I've locked up my feelings
    *"My heart forever wonders" = I would suggest changing this to "My heart forever wanders", as it seems to fit in context better. Either does work, though.
    *"My hand never held" = My hand is never held OR My hand's never held

    I loved the flow in this piece. Your raw emotion translated well into a poem about your being "permasingle" as I call it (I'm in the same boat with you, Mahalia, I just stay in my 'dungeon' (aka my room where all my video games are) and whenever I do wander out I end up getting hurt or disappointed), and the last verse is a bombshell, particularly those last two lines. They actually get more potent and powerful after reading them a second and third time.

    Great job Mahalia, I look forward to more from you.
    IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 1 year ago

    by Michael

    Mahalia,
    A piece written with strong emotions, which I believe is your confidence has been shattered, and maybe judged. But from this you can draw strengths and learn from experiences. None of us are 'Prince Charming's-only fairy-tale :)
    Well done on a heart-felt piece
    Michael :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Mark

    How I relate to this feeling of 'not being good enough for love'. The last two lines were as if you read them from my heart. Great write Mahalia. :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Paul Hirst

    Sad
    Lovely