I'll never be this happy again,
I'll never be this free.
We were made for more than we bargained fo-
I've been relying too heavily on the absurd these days
Cause for a moment,
I thought what I felt there was joy.
If home was really where the heart was
I'd never get a chance to unpack.
Cause I've been on the run for seven years now,
Viciously guarding my right to say no
And to avoid answering tough questions.
How loud do you have to say no for it to count?
I couldn't figure out the answer so I just kept repeating that mantra of refusal
For years and years until I realized that the only way
To get out of the pit I had dug out of my own chest
Was to start saying yes again.
But most days that feels like climbing a hill.
In a snowstorm.
In the mountains .
You want to move forward but every movement
Of every limb
Feels like trying to swim through molasses
And you're cold. You're very cold
And the storm is only just starting to roll in
"It's always days like this"
You think to yourself,
"That I forget to wear a scarf."
Who knew? That climbing your mountain in a snow storm is worth the price of admission to any theatrical play or performance you had to say. Who knew, that without the small comfort of the scarf, you would have failed like you were meant to do? You have only delayed the inevitable. That the snowstorm will come to pass with or without the scarf at your side. I like to imagine and understand that people in this world have managed with far less optimism and still survive.
This journey is never easy. I totally get what you mean like you feel like you are trekking through a mountain, in a snowstorm and no scarf. That weather will not always suck and the sun will shine. Hang in there-