In that cursed place of woe and fear
((this has 9 syllables; take out the end and put a comma, and you'll be ok. =]))

Very nice job on your first attempt. I'll give harsh critism only because I know you're going to be great. This is a very interesting topic; I loved the idea. However, the rhyming seemed forced, but with the first time writing in a style that is to be expected. So, great job, as always.

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex5.5