Comments : Story Of True Love (my best ever written)

  • 10 years ago

    by Treal

    I like it, i can see that you put alut into it

  • 10 years ago

    by DeMoniC hYpNotiZeR

    Wow. you write really pretty. it sounds almost similar to romeo and juliet. i dont think i could ever write like you. hehe. im givin you a 5 so yeah...peace.
    -K

  • 10 years ago

    by Sammie Jo

    WoW, OMG, this is truley the best poem I have ever read, It's so sweet, and so sad, It made me cry, and only at 17 you wrote this, wow, that is talent..... ~Sam~

  • 10 years ago

    by sibyllene

    Hmm. Definitely a teenaged love poem.

    I think the best part was

    "The bullet pierced straight threw his heart.
    It didn't hurt him so bad.
    Because it was already torn apart."

    That's where I really saw the most creativity and uniqueness. It was a fresh sentiment - one that I hadn't run across before. Furthermore, this is one of the few places in this poem that you did something more subtle and refined than stating the obvious.

    Truly, many, many people have written what you just wrote about. Most of them end up sounding exactly the same. It's your job, as a poet, to try to say things that many people may feel, but few people are able to express. For example, instead of saying something as simple as "she really still loved him," you could use words that show why HER love was so different from the rest. Take it from -stating- to -illustrating-. Describe her love.

    As for the form - there are a few small grammatical errors, like "hear" that should be "heart," and "your" that should be "you're." Those are easy to fix, if you give it a close read-through.

    My big pet peeve about this particular poem was the periods. Every line. Doesn't need. A Period. If you wouldn't put a period in, if this was all written out like a story, then you don't need one there in the poem. At the very least, use commas in the middle of thoughts, and continue the sentence down through where the thought ends. Periods just break up the thought into little, undigestable chunks. Sounds appetizing.

    I hope some of these comments helped. When it comes down to it, you are the poet, and you make the decisions. Good luck writing!

  • 10 years ago

    by nhat

    Far this is so true, U just summury my love life jsut then

    Good work, i like the first half...

  • 10 years ago

    by Duchesse

    Omg...your poem actually made me cry!
    Well done my friend!

  • 10 years ago

    by ESE CREEPER

    EY THATS A WELL WRITTEN POEM I REALLY LIKED IT .

  • 10 years ago

    by Jennifer

    That was a terrific poem! Well written! Made me tear up a little! Good work! 5/5! Keep up the good writing!

  • 10 years ago

    by Jamie Lorraine

    I LOVE it!!! amazing truly it was everything a poem should be and more! it made me feel like it happened to me i felt like i was there the whole time. i'm adding you to my favorites keep it up and plz check out mine

    Jamie

  • 10 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    OH I can relate to this poem lovin it 5/5 our club rules.

  • 10 years ago

    by David

    You need to fix up the word hear to HEART at the start of the letter in the purse.

    well done. so much love thru out this whole poem. times of sadness too, but fantastic times of love also..

    5/5 David