: D I really rather liked this. The phrasing and wording was fresh and creative, which made for an enjojyable read. I actually smiled when I read this. I particularly liked the first two lines, and the idea of the sun "rolling around the horizon in hysterics." Very entertaining and, again, refreshing approach to a love poem. It's so nice to read something different and actually... worthy of being called good poetry.
I liked the rhythm of the last two lines - how the poem slowly wound down to a close, but the line about the ivory feather was the one that confused me. The only connection I can make is that... you can tickle people with feathers? ~ ~ But, perhaps, feathers have a more personal meaning to you....
I've read a few of your poems, just never had the time to comment so first of all I'd like to say that I love how you can create such great flow and tone without a rhyme in some poems. It really shows the poem was not forced and I think its very hard to find good poems that can flow without a rhyme. So well done. :]
About the poem though, I loved the images.
Truely shows the power & strength of love.
"You noted the sun never laughs
as much as we do."
That was my favourite line because I found it really sweet and it made me smile, lol.
"I said you should sit on the moon
and entertain the sun."
I think that line shows the power of love extremely well because its showing how love can make you want to do things that are impossible. Great image.
This is really sweet, your poems are extremely different from other people's, but while others try to fit their poems to certain rules and guidelines, you just tell it as it is. and your poems are so beautiful like that, because they are so true, and full of feeling, 5/5
i could say more, but then this would go on forevor so
"You tried to catch my smile,
as if it were attainable,"
Those lines really spoke to me, because they hold such a truth within them . I was reading this just yesturday but never bothered to comment XD I like how you ended it . It was sweet in a totally different way . It`s saying the same thing other poems say, only better and it was just so ... well written . I don`t have anything negative to say .
Grr... i hate you. You write well. Lol. Okay, i know you hate one liners but i honestly dont know what to say except you are very talented and this poem was truely exceptional. I mean it. I loved your vocabulary and the sophisticated way you arranged the words to make a true meaning out of them. This is a true piece of art and you are worthy of a 5/5 :)
Oh wow...this is...I don't know how to explain it in words, but it just draws me in and leaves that wonderful I don't know, tinkling-ish or something like that good feeling...simply beautiful. :) kudos