Comments : I Don't Deserve Your Perfect Love

  • 11 years ago

    by Krzysztof J

    "And everyone's pasts are full of mistakes;
    Although mine depicts many more than most make"
    i can soo totally relate to this :( this poem is perfect 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Biscuit

    Whats with the random capital letters???!

    anyway... this is a well structured piece, the rhyming is good as well as it seems natural and not forced. Also the rhythm/ flow is nice and constant throughout, apart from the last stanza which is slightly longer and slower and stands out (in a good way).

    In the third stanza i think that 'The greatness to whom I compete.' should be 'The greatness with whom I compete.' ??

    Overall a very emotive poem which describes some common feelings which im sure a lot of people can relate to. good job!

    kim xx

  • 11 years ago

    by isabel

    The poem is very nice...
    i have 2 questions, though...
    are the capital letters supposed to be that way?
    the -- in the middle or at the beginning of some lines is supposed to be there?

    i mean, it can be considered another way of expressing your message, but...i don't know...
    it looks a bit strange...
    the poem is very nice though...very well structured, good flow and very emotional...
    but maybe you ought to change the appearance a little bit...
    5/5 anyway
    (the capital letters and -- can't make anyone downrate...=) )
    keep going

  • 11 years ago

    by Gothic Princess

    Simply amazing... loved the second to last riviting and moving....

  • 11 years ago

    by Teria

    Loved it! Great emotion, and flow.
    "everyone's pasts are "
    ^ Everyone's past is

    Other than that, I didn't see any mistakes really. It sorta bugged me while reading that a lot of the words were capitalized, and others weren't. But, oh well. Lol.
    You did a great job!

  • 11 years ago

    by debbylyn

    Nice rhythm and rhyme to this piece...very nice.....particularly the opening verse....All the best, Debbie

  • 11 years ago

    by Startle Me

    You liar.
    Didn't find anything in there wrong.
    No grammar, spelling, I'm only good at that.
    I hate cliches, and I have to make this up
    So you'd find my comment to your liking.
    Well, kind of made it up.
    In the first stanza
    --Broken, and it's no surprise.
    And kind of ruins the flow for me.
    Take it out?
    I would say this poem was cliched.
    But then you explained your feelings so well.
    When I read this...
    I pictured a random guy from the street
    Don't leave me.
    Heh heh.
    I'm weird.

  • 11 years ago

    by Cindy

    What a great poem. Imagery is great as are the word choices.

    You are too good for boys like me;
    You'll always be a Fantasy.
    The ones to See, But never Touch
    -- What I Need and Want so Much

    Thes lines really touched me.
    Remember you are as good as anyone eles.
    Keep your chin up and a smile on your face :)
    Take care Cindy

  • 11 years ago

    by Simply Josh

    I really liked this stanza and to me, having 'I'm in the dark' in brackets was effective. This gave me a strong sense of rejection and I guess I can relate to that.

    Here, you lock me --here, I'm bound--
    Locked In chains, I Rocket Down
    You walked away (I'm in the dark )
    And Left me here to Sit and Rot

    cheers, josh

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Ohhh this was beautiful!
    So elegantly written, and so much depth and emotion behind the words.
    The opening was perfect, really pulled me in and from there on it just got better and better.
    My favourite part was:

    ''Here, you lock me --here, I'm bound--
    Locked In chains, I Rocket Down
    You walked away (I'm in the dark )
    And Left me here to Sit and Rot''

    I thought it held a lot of power, and it really stood out.
    I loved the ending, I thought it was very intense and such a great way to wrap up.

    Flow was flawless throughout, imagery created vivid pictures and the rhyme scheme and word choice are enjoyable.

  • 11 years ago

    by Poetess Lana

    Wow!!! another awesome poem!!!! well, i must leave now, but i will come back and comment more later. PLEASE keep writing, i really enjoy reading your poems.

    Allanah Rayne

  • 11 years ago

    by TimidOutburst

    Wow...good piece. Your rhyme scheme changes a lot towards the end, and the last stanza's flow is off, but overall this piece was profound, and you are very talented.

  • 11 years ago

    by TrueLovesVictim

    Awww. i really like how you expressed this.

  • 11 years ago

    by Jesse

    Not good rhymeing

  • 11 years ago

    by kolorful

    Nice poem, i really liked it..........i couldn't help but notice your track times-impressive. i run track, too
    300m hurdles(52.08) =]

  • 11 years ago

    by rozana

    I think this poem is awesome and dont ever feel that you not good enough for someone if they leave you it just wasnt meant to be if you had did things differently it still wouldnt have mattered so dont be hard on yourself if this poem is about you! 5/5 awesome

  • 11 years ago

    by .:*Br!tt@ny*:.

    Wow... this is it!!

  • 11 years ago

    by nai

    Such a greatly written poem but also so sad.
    Dont put yourself down so much (if it is about you)
    everyone meets there their soul mate in the end.
    well its a greatly written piece. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Lisa

    Nice poem.

  • 11 years ago

    by Wallace

    Amazing poem, excellently written. Keep up the fantastic work. Check out some o my poems.

    Best Wishes