Running On E

Once again every thing's turning
twisting and moving around
everything seems to be changing
and i feel like I'm upside down

i can't keep from getting confused
i can't keep from losing control
i feel like I'm running on E
and it's been awhile since I've felt full

In my nightmares every thing's dark
and depression starts to close in
i wake up in sweat, and fall back asleep
and the nightmares again, begin

i try to keep my head up high
but the pain keeps bringing it down
I'm trying to stay above water
but i feel like I'm beginning to drown

once again tonight i feel empty
i feel like there's no where to go
i feel like there's no one to turn to
when myself, i don't even know.

I can't stand the ups turned into downs
I can't stand the sunshine, turned into rain
I'm sick of all this depression I hold
I just want to feel alive again.

I don't want to have to cut my wrists
and see the blood drop on my sheets
just to know I'm still alive
and to know that my heart still beats

i don't want to feel this emptiness
and I'm so tired of all these tears
I've kept these emotions inside everyday
over the past sixteen years

I'm so afraid to let them out
because I'm so used to holding them in
but i can feel myself wearing down
and I'm running on E once again

some days, i just want to give up
and let everything in me run out
just let go of this life, fade away
cause everyday i feel more self doubt

everyday every thing's turning
twisting and moving around
everything seems to be changing
As they lower me into the ground.

9-21-07

please r/c. haven't written in awhile. i wish i have been writing more lately though. i always feel better afterward. i need that lately.

Sigh.

thank you.

-Olivia-