Incredible written, this piece posses such passion and uniqueness. Well done, your choice of words is so creative and impressing.
I liked all piece except rhyming, honestly I think that you could create more powerful atmosphere if you chose some other words for rhymes, that is, of course, just my opinion.
Anyway excellently written, and I enjoyed in every line. Bravo!
I read "submission" a minute ago and clicked the link to your profile and was completely astounded to find that you're 13! You're writing is so mature and so much better than a lot that is on here (don't get me wrong, there are loads of amazing poets on here but you know what I mean!) I don't mean to sound patronizing but seriously, wow!!! I find it so hard to write fantasy poetry which really annoys me because I love it! Anyways, I love the way you make this poem surround me by using phrases like "Over me and under me, it's sound sinking within." And the imagery (once again) is awesome. You really are a very talented writer! *Adds to favourites* =)
All your poems that i've read have great imagery this one included the rhyming wasnt neccisarily needed but it did add effect on some line it never took anything away from the poem but there were lines that probably could have been made better by using diffrent words that didnt neccesarliy rhyme