Comments - UpDown

Dead People Dont Die ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-08

Great 1000th poem.

Paul anand singh ( F C ) at 2009-05-08

The style in which you pen this is indeed different but lovely.
The message you relayed in evry word is quite vivid and rings through clearly.
Another sad yet beautifully penned piece.
Paul...

Melissa ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-08

This is incredibly beautiful! I love the soft tone and the sweet vulnerability of your words. The beginning drew me in immediately, and

comealittlecloser

^ I love how you squeezed these words together, such a great effect there.

I think I'm a tad
miffed because of
all the feather ruffling
you've been doing to my nest.

^ This is priceless, such simple beauty.

And the ending ties it up quite nicely. Very nice work, look forward to reading more... :)

BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-05-08

The title caught my eye because it reminded me of a song we learned about in my music class called "Up and Down" which I really liked so I was lured in to read your poem haha.

"comealittlecloser"
I loved how you smushed the words together because it gives a visual meaning to the words on top of literal meaning as well. very creativea and quite effective.

"seven.....thousand........miles..........away......"
^And on contrast I loved how you split this up to represent the distance expressed in your words.

"I could whisper all of my
insecurities
and scrutinies
if only
you would hear me. "
^This just broke my heart because I know where you are coming from. Sometimes we have so much inside of us that we wish to get out but only if someone is actually hearing us not just listening.

Visually this poem was just great! I love when people take risks in their writing, its quite appealing to the eye and refreshing to see something new. I loved the emotion you expressed and the bit of childlike tone in your voice. It shows no matter how strong a person is, love always makes them weak. You spoke from the heart which makes it easier for people to relate with your words...I know I did. Well written!

*5/5*

Bliss. {Beyond a Poet's Mind.}

[ Praised by StandStill | Approved by Italian Stallion ]

erica ( P ) at 2009-05-08

Wow, i don't know what to say-everyone's praised just about everything i could think to write.
heartbreakingly beautiful? :)
keep up the a m a z i n g work.

Lonely Rider ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-09

Very creative writing... loved the style...
love how u have penned 'comealittleclose'... it captures the reader's attention...

I could whisper all of my
insecurities
and scrutinies
if only
you would hear me.

^^ I felt longingness... and loneliness... in these lines... beautifully penned...

very emotional write...

Bullets Are My Best Friend at 2009-05-11

Brilliant hun loved it!!! keep it up xxx
cherelle

BLISS Smitten Kitten ( F C D ) at 2009-05-11

Congrats on the win!
very deserved. :]

Cindy ( F P C D ) at 2009-05-11

Congrats :)

iRobbiee ( F C D ) at 2010-08-29

Very creative and different.. I like this poem because its just different.

rose blooming ( F P C D ) at 2011-08-26

Very interesting form. I liked it. The wording was great. I enjoyed reading it. The only change you might make is:
"comealittlecloser." separate the words out.
Other then that it is a great poem.

5/5

mello193 ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-01

This was amazing. i like how you made it look to add a such emotion to the lines, you are a brilliant writer, great job ^u^


-193

Skyfire ( F P C ) at 2013-05-19

Great way to mix form and content! Loved it!

Skyfire ( F P C ) at 2013-05-19

Great way to mix form and content! Loved it!


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