Comments : Forgotten Soul

  • 14 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    Awww another sad poem, youv'e portrayed your emotions very well though =]

    The flow works nicley in all 3 stanzas and the structure suits this short piece perfectly.

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    I'm left on my own, alone as can be,
    Stuck in my memories, please release me,
    Forever they will haunt me, I struggle on,
    Until the forgotten soul, is dead and gone,

    *Aww Shaun :( such a sad stanza. One thing that bothered me was the over use of commas. You need to add some periods, other wise it looks like a bunch of run-ons. Other than that very emotional start*

    Walking through a crowded place,
    Head down, to hide my disgrace,
    I'm living a lie, through my fake smile,
    The forgotten soul, is no longer worthwhile,

    *Same thing here. Too many commas. That can be distracting and you don't want people looking at commas instead of paying attention to your words. Other than that the flow is great and I love the style. One of my favorites*

    Thoughts and feelings flooding my soul,
    I'm losing my mind, I'm losing control,
    Alone and forgotten, I will be,
    The forgotten soul remains as me.

    *Awww :( This is sad hun. I like this but the last line bothers me a little . I would change it to "The forgotten soul will always be me" that way you keep the rhyme and it doesn't sound so weird. I think you did a good job with writing this. Your ideas were controlled and from the heart. Although sad, this was a very good poem. Keep it up hun. Nik*

  • 14 years ago

    by XXVAMXXPIEXOX

    I love this... i like the last four line is really emotional.. great job 5/5 from me!! i'm gonna read more of your poem!!

  • 14 years ago

    by Tom Swart

    Nice - what more can we say about this poem. You penned it well. By The way - most of us have been there. Keep up the good writes.

  • 14 years ago

    by XxLastHopexX

    Well written...I can relate to this poem....don't stop writing no matter what you do.

  • 14 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Aww this is a really nice poem. I love how the title of the poem is your username... it kind of reminds me of self-titled music albums. It was a very emotional and deep poem and I really enjoyed it. Great job

  • 14 years ago

    by miracle

    Wow amazing poem it flowed so well it had rythem it was beautiful. i think the line i can relate the most is this..."I'm living a lie, through my fake smile"
    i love this poem plz...never stop wrighting.
    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by silvertung69

    I would have to agree with miracle on the line most related to . I have a poem called visious cycle that relates vary well to what your saying. The expression of you pain was vary clear, nice job.

  • 14 years ago

    by Em

    Really powerful piece. With the soul it seems as though you have died and you're looking down knowing that you are forgotten. Such a deep piece with lots of emotion, 5/5. Em

  • 14 years ago

    by Donna

    You keep writting like that your one soul that will never be forgotten strong pashionate word fronm the heart ..Super work keep it up and good luck for the future love all ive red off your so far
    Donna xx

  • 14 years ago

    by SheenaMarie

    Great write...5/5