Comments : Endemic.

  • 9 years ago

    by GB

    Your title drew my attention, excellent choice.

    You did intriguing job with the introduction, still if you don't mind, I'd like to suggest something here, it's neatly penned short prose in need for some flavor:)

    ~I can't bury my heart beside you; your tombstone won't want my blessing.
    ^^ I suggest replacing the word "want" with other distinctive word like "cradle", the imagery was pretty mature at the beginning but the word "want" is a very average choice to complete the meaning.

    ~ It's dying somewhere outside near the sinful snow.
    ^ Perhaps you need a comma here.

    Thank you for sharing, a pleasure to read.