Having trouble making it work

  • StarGirl
    14 years ago

    So, I came out to a guy that I liked last week and I've been going crazy, trying to write how I feel down into a poem. But the thing is, I really like how it's going but the last verse (which I guess I'd make it a hook if it were a song) doesn't seem to well... fit in.

    The whole poem is suppose to be about the lingering feeling his voice leaves to me but I feel like I have two separate poems instead of just one. What do you think? Branch off into two or try making it work with the one? (remember, it's the last stanza that feels like it should be in another poem)

    Poem: Linger

    Rain is pouring outside my window
    but the sun is shinning inside my heart.
    The clock is ticking towards morning and I can't stop staring.
    And I think of you.

    Snuggle down and bundle up.
    Your like a warm and fuzzy sweater.
    Help me pull it over my head and I've never felt better.
    I'm warmed up from the inside out.

    Let your voice just linger,
    A moment longer please.
    Let your voice just linger,
    Baby you put my heart at ease.

    **Edit. I wouldn't leave it just here, I'm just having trouble figuring out where to go with it.