The intent of this post is not to preach, to make "light" of what is considered to be darkness, to be condescending in any way, shape or form, or attempt to take away from the reality of depression and sadness, and the difficulty thereof, but rather, to make an offering of hope, from one human to another.
It can be hard to focus on anything else other than what you are experiencing, and sometimes the sadness, the anger, the experiences we have, can be overwhelming, terrifying, & obsessive, in the mind and in the heart, but I'd just like to take a moment to say.. Hang in there, you're not alone, and no matter what you think, have felt, or have done in the past, you are NOT your past, and you do possess the ability to alter the present, and effectively, the future. Although it may not seem like it, your past doesn't have to completely define your present, or your future.
There is good in the world, just as there is bad. There are children who are playing, laughing and enjoying life, teenagers and adults alike that are doing the same, enjoying what I would consider a seemingly strange existence.. Animals & creatures, too. The birds and butterflies that are (I would say) just as clueless as we are, are doing the best they know how; sure, all humans and creatures don't have the same story, or the same problems to deal with, and you may consider your problems large, or petty, but everyone is different, and I don't believe we can truly compare our "essence", or our pain, to the next human being or creature, but I'd like to continue on, to say that believing in something is a powerful act (so I believe), and that we, as human beings, benefit from believing that happiness 'is' attainable, that it is possible, that it's something within grasp, no matter what, even if it's something you may not be experiencing right 'now', it is something you can work toward, something you are capable of creating for yourself, as an individual with a story that hasn't been written or completed yet, with a complex faculty, awareness, and intelligent machinery, that is capable of much. It may take you longer than you'd prefer, or it may take you less time than you'd thought, but no matter what, you ARE great, and are capable of much greatness, even if you don't think so. When you actually start to believe that you are capable, when you start to believe that you can be happy, when you start to believe in the conviction of that pursuit, and that you could deserve the state of being that you desire, then comes the beginning of the end, the end of a chapter that doesn't serve you, that you don't desire to continue.
You could very well be sad and or depressed for matters that are COMPLETELY out of your hands, but I urge you to hold on, and act on the belief that it gets better, to the hope that it will get better, but most of all.. I urge you to believe in yourself, to find it within your mind, within your heart, to forgive and to love yourself, to be less harsh on yourself, to have more compassion and understanding, so that perhaps you may find your own form of peace, your own "shield" or light, your contentment in this existence.
This may sound simple, but I personally believe that one of the requirements of happiness, is to be in some sort of inherently positive rhythm.. Whether it be positive thinking, positive actions and or outcomes we deem positive that are achieved because of these actions and thoughts, or all of the above, even if we don't truly believe we have a good reason for thinking positively, or doing things that are considered positive. Anyone in the rhythm can lose the rhythm, and those that aren't in the rhythm, may once again find it; such is being human.
By adding strength to strength, you surely will only become stronger.. It's only a matter of time and persistence.
May you discover the methods by which you'll realize your own greatness and potential, and may you acquire the strength to see it through.