Poet of the Fortnight #11: Michael (Nov 10 - Nov 24)

  • silvershoes
    8 months ago

    Michael has been randomly selected as our 11th Poet of the Fortnight (PotF)! Michael is a 49-year-old male from the UK, whose 2 year PnQ anniversary is coming up (beginning of 2018). In his relatively short time on PnQ, he has submitted 186 poems and written a whopping 1,569 comments. Not many members have made such an enormous impact on PnQ in such a short time, and so Michael, you have my respect. You also have my gratitude because you have proved yourself to be a major asset to this site, as a poet, a friend, and as an active, dependable member.
    Please welcome Michael to his own special thread, and be sure to read his latest poem posted just below:

    ----
    Take the edge off

    If only-
    you could really see
    the journey I’ve had,
    to take with me.

    Exploring depths you
    couldn’t measure;
    to sift the ruin
    from the treasure.

    I broke-
    the seal of my
    painful chest,
    and opened up
    my harrowed quest.

    The gems-
    I held were cracked
    and flawed;
    but searching on I
    found this sword.

    This sword-
    was struck with
    hands of sin;
    ones belonging to,
    my next of kin!

    Gentle-
    with time I
    nurtured its blade;
    cleansed the stains
    from wounds you’d made!

    This process-
    took time and,
    cut me deep.
    But now this sword
    is mine to keep.

    The scars-
    I bear may never
    show, but in my heart;
    your shame will glow.

    Now!

    that this sword
    of your sin; is mine,
    I’ll slice the memories
    over time.

    This sword-
    is my strength,
    forever more.

    I’ve cut the diamond-
    from your
    flaw!

    ----

    Michael, please fill out this public survey when you find time. You can pass any question/prompt in this thread, just write "Pass." I will ask 10 questions total throughout the next 2 weeks, and members of the community are encouraged to participate by asking questions of their own. Here's the survey:

    Real name:
    Meaning behind your PnQ name:
    Birth place:
    Languages spoken:
    When you discovered PnQ and why you joined:
    Favorite poet(s):
    Book you are currently reading:
    Song you last listened to:
    Inspirations for writing:
    5 truths about yourself:

  • Michael
    8 months ago

    Thank you Jane for such a lovely introduction, that really has touched my heart and means so much to me. PnQ has been and will continue to be part of my journey with poetry, this really is an extraordinary, but wonderful an inspiring poetry website, and a big thank you for all of this :)x

    Real name: Michael Rodgers

    Meaning behind my PnQ name: 50 years of allsorts :)

    Birthplace: Cheltenham, Gloucestershire UK.

    Languages spoken: I have trouble with English at times. A little Italian (Mother is Italian)

    When you I discovered PnQ and why I joined: This was the first site that came up (thankfully). I wrote rhyming poetry and a passion had been growing, so what better to do than join a website to check me out haha! Just to look at other poets and their writing.

    Favourite poets: In truth, I have never picked a favourite poet. I would find this incredibly difficult, and not something I worry too much with. I have come across unbelievable, intelligent, beautiful, crazy and inspiring poets here on PnQ. I will say that at one time in my life back last year on here, both Em and Andrea (Maple tree) were inspiring, supportive and just little things they did help enormously. So a big thank you to both :)x

    Book I am currently reading: 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran - on loan kindly from my Therapist :)

    Song I last listened to: 'Tutti Frutti' - Little Richard (very loud)

    Inspirations for writing: There is so much behind being inspired to writing. But the most inspiring are addiction and relationships, two very important parts of my life. But none so that my two beautiful children, who inspire me to live :)x

    5 truths about myself: Phew!

    1. I almost died ( or maybe I did for a second) as a written in my poem 'Missed call'

    2. I plucked up the courage and read a poem at the 'Cheltenham Literature Festival' (open-mic night)

    3. I carried two armed- robbers in my taxi once (long story, which I may post at some point)

    4. I saved a Barn owl's life

    5. When in Italy once at 4 years old, my grandfather owned a small farm. I wandered off and fell asleep between two cows in the shed. My grandfather found me, and couldn't believe I got away with that one (crushing thought :) )

  • ddavidd
    8 months ago, updated 5 months ago

    Nice to see you in spotlight dear Michael. What happened to the Italian part of you? It was so endearing.

    Edited

  • Brenda
    8 months ago

    Michael, welcome to your "Fortnight"! What is a typical day for Michael like? Do you have any pets? What is your favorite color? I also wanted to say I have always found your enthusiasm for this site really endearing. You are always upbeat and it carries through...hugs-

  • Michael replied to ddavidd
    8 months ago, updated 8 months ago

    Hello dd.

    Its still endearing and beautiful :)

    I would like to spend some time travelling around Italy, especially where my mother grew up, and explore more about my Italian side. I have grown with half Mediterranean blood, but lived a full UK life. So would be good to get in touch with the other half. But I cook great pasta dishes. So far so good :)

    Thanks for your question dd :)

  • Michael replied to Brenda
    8 months ago

    Hello Miss Brenda :)

    You have one of the happiest profile faces I think I have ever known, which reflects your personality dear lady. Your picture always makes me smile Brenda :)

    Thank you, I want to be happy, enthusiastic and share what love I have. I'm not sure really how much that is, but now at 50 I'm beginning to see that this life is short (not sure about the after - yet haha). And more importantly for my children, I want to be a cool dad while I am here :) and I know they love me. That's all that matters to me. But the reality is that for years I wasn't so upbeat and happy, but now I'm getting there :)

    Typical day for Michael - up around 7am-ish. I drive a wheelchair accessible taxi for a firm that specialise in that transportation. Finish around 5pm and work some Saturday nights for my sins ;) I live alone, so cook a meal, do some writing. Love box-set serials BUT! no television other than that haha! Talk to myself a lot and get my inspiration for poetry. Not a great sleeper, but I am a great thinker :)

    favourite colour - I do love all colours Miss B. But I am partial to black. I feel there is a connection with black within me. Black isn't always dark, its such a deep profound and beautiful colour. Colourful personalities are the best :)

    Sadly I don't have any pets now. I had a rescue Lurcher (crossed with allsorts ). He was part of the family for 14 wonderful years, and my best friend and we would tell each other that through special dog-talk (to difficult to try and spell-it! haha) but his name was 'Floyd' yes after the great Pink Floyd. Would love to rescue another, but not practical where I live at the moment for space, but again one day :)

    Thank you for your questions Miss Brenda.
    Much love and hugs as always
    Michael :)x

  • Em
    8 months ago, updated 8 months ago

    Oooh Michael I have been looking forward to this.
    If there was one date in time you could go back to (doesn't have to be in your time) what would it be and why?

    Is there a song that moves you every single time and why? If you'd care to share is there a reason why.

  • Michael replied to Em
    8 months ago

    Hello dear Em :)
    Just like to say you have been a huge support here, which I thank you with my heart :)

    Both very good questions full of intrigue and curiosity. Okay there are too many dates/eras I would like to experience, but three stick out in my mind.

    Firstly - I am a bit of an old Hippie, so a day back in the 70's maybe around the time of 'Pink Floyd' would be really interesting to say the least. I know that the flood of psychedelic enhancements played a part here, however it was more the free-spirit for me with people, the colours and clothes so cool. I feel today in this world, people forget just to communicate, let alone how to share emotions. But its the day and age I live in reality, but will do my best whenever possible :)

    Secondly - I guess what poet wouldn't, but go and rub shoulders with good old William Shakespeare. Imagine seeing him work, how he lived and how he talked. Again this era full of colour and clothing - opulent (although could take hours getting ready for work haha)

    Thirdly - (maybe controversial) But a real intrigue would be to travel back to see if Jesus did really exist, and to know all that is written and said is true. I need not say too much about this, as I really do not want a debate-purely curiosity :)

    Ah Em, yes there is. The tune in question, comes from a personal relationship, I miss daily and dearly. Its a lovely question to be asked :

    The title - 'Only you' by the Platters. This one really sits deep in my heart, and even if I don't listen to it this tune will play on its own in my mind :)

    Thank you Em for coming and asking your questions. I hope all is well as can be with you

    Much love
    Michael :)xx

  • Larry Chamberlin
    8 months ago

    Wonderful thread, Jane!
    Michael, it is great to hear your responses.

    I get you on color: deep black is mesmerizing while flat black is empty.

    Sorry about Floyd. I’ll bet everyone here can relate to your loss. Dogs are special companions.

    I’d like to hear more about your Kids: do you see them much? What do they like to do when with you?

  • hiraeth
    8 months ago

    What's your favourite book?
    If you could have a conversation with anyone in the world (currently living), who would it be?
    Do you have any odd quirks?

    Great answers so far :)

  • Michael replied to Larry Chamberlin
    8 months ago

    Hi Larry :)

    Thank you for your thoughts and question-

    My son is 25 years old and my daughter 18. Both from different mothers (oops!), however very much as close a brother and sister can be :)

    I like any other father, only learned to become a father and still will be forever haha. The most important feeling I feel truly, is that my kids love me, as I love them :)
    My son has been living in Australia for 2.5 years now. He went on his own to live a dream , and he is doing so. He lives and works in Sydney on a new transportation service, and he is truly happy. He came back 3 months ago and stayed with me for 6 weeks, and it was lovely to have a bonding and special time. I encouraged him to go, just do it son, and I am so proud of him. He has travelled elsewhere too, and enjoying life as best he can. I'm planning to either go out next year, or we may do a little travelling somewhere :)

    My daughter lives with mum, on the south west coast of the UK. She is currently at college studying 'Health and Social care' (a wise investment for the old man, I feel haha). She like my son are wonderful kids, helpful, polite, respectful, caring and gorgeous (there are likenesses I promise :) although my son blames me for a large forehead, that he tries to cover with a fringe haha. My daughter and I are very close, I love her depending on me, and she will always come with her troubles. We recently went to a music festival together (18th birthday treat). One of the best times of our lives.

    fatherhood for me is the learnings of my life, growing up and how I have conducted my life down dark paths- steering my kids away from anything I can. But I don't lie to them, and I am honest and open with both, otherwise I see no point. I have been criticised by a few, but I really do not care. We all love each other, and that's it! :)
    They are now both adults and making their way in this world and to experience their lives. But whatever comes I will be there, if I am here for them no matter what :))

    Thank you again Larry for a lovely question, and to open up my family to PnQ (and that's a special treat haha :)
    Just to say that my daughter is part of the PnQ world under pseudonym 'Mystic Pisces' I know she can write, and I am encouraging her with gentle ease, and who knows where she will go :)

    ..And Larry the truth of 'What do they like to do when with me' is just be with me wherever or whatever ( that truly is a special feeling) but of course Ellie likes shopping haha and Tom likes practising his Kung-Fu on the old chap haha

    Michael :)

  • Em
    8 months ago

    Michael what wonderful answers (to all) and believe it or not you have been more of a support than you realise so thank you.

    Other than your children and poetry what else makes you truly happy?

  • Brenda replied to Michael
    8 months ago

    Thank you Michael for your lovely comments and your answers. It is crazy how much more we realize just how short life is as we get into our 50's. Your day sounds busy and fulfilling. It's nice when our job involves helping someone. Black can be a good color. I agree with both you and Larry. I think you probably have a very colorful personality, lol. I'm sorry to hear about Floyd. Losing a pet is like losing a family member, they are so intertwined with us. The group Pink Floyd is awesome! Listening to them on headphones makes it seem like their music is traveling right through your brain.
    What is your favorite season, and why? Are you a handy sort of guy, or more intellectual, computer savvy kind of guy? What would be the perfect day for you?

  • Michael replied to hiraeth
    8 months ago

    Hi Hiraeth :)

    Ah! the Favourite questions always get me haha! I never really have favourites, as too many to choose from :)

    One of the books I love is 'Marching Powder'- by Rusty Young, who was a journalist. The story is a true life account (with photos) of life inside the San Pedro prison in Bolivia, and about an English drug trafficker convicted, who ran tour guides at the prison. Fascinating and raw book. I would normally only read factual works.
    But a lovely quirky story I love too is ' The curious incident of the dog in the night time' - by Mark Haddon. The story is about a 15 year old boy, with behavioural issues, who also is a mathematician - turned sleuth. Wonderful book :)

    Conversation with someone or two! what I would love to do is get Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un in a room and discuss many things with them both. I know this is a total fantasy, but how fascinating and incredible to have a three-way about the world!

    Quirks :) many of those too haha! I love making paper aeroplanes and folding paper (not origami ) just folding this way and that. I have always thought blue socks are bad luck haha! I wore them for my first job interview (didn't succeed) and never wear blue socks again. Maybe that has something to do with my love of black haha.

    Thank you Hiraeth for great questions. This is great and really enjoying logging on and looking at poets questions :)

    Michael :)

  • Michael replied to Em
    8 months ago

    Thank you Em :) that means so much.

    This is short and sweet Em, but what really makes me happy is addiction-free. The happiness I feel about me and my strengths to overcome a long had battle -with me. Still on that journey, but without that heavy dragging burden.
    Em in truth there is and has a lot of happiness come from when I stopped, and the truth is happiness stems from love and loving oneself :)

    A great question Em, and thank you for visiting :)

    Much love

    Michael :) now going for break-fast haha!

  • Sinners gospel
    8 months ago

    Michael, my friend, You are full of life.

  • Michael replied to Brenda
    8 months ago

    hello again Miss Brenda :)
    You are very welcome.

    I do love the Autumn, the colours are incredible. Its my abstract mind, but it tells me of something ending-beautifully if this makes sense. Some of the colours are truly magnificent. It also brings wonderful memories of the walks with Floyd, on crisp cold mornings. We used to walk regular round a hill in the Cotswolds, which is a beautiful picturesque scene, near to where I live.
    However I do like being warm and summer is just lovely, to walk around in comfort, chill out over the park. We have a great Jazz festival here in Cheltenham in the summer, with outdoor music which is lovely in the summer. also I enjoy the festival scene, so summer is really special in that way :)

    I live round the corner from my best friend- I think that's quite 'handy' haha! I am far more 'hands on' Brenda. Only bought my laptop 2 years ago, not on Facebook (yes very true). So technology and me aren't a great team. I love my laptop for poetry PnQ, music and e-mails. I like the internet for exploring knowledge. But would read more from a book than the laptop :)

    I have actually lived my 'perfect day' I went sailing with my ex-girlfriend, her father and brother around the Greek Islands across the Mediterranean :) It was so beautiful, and the Med was lovely and calm. We found this little island and moored up for the evening. I cooked pasta and we all sat under one of the clearest skies I have ever see. Drinking red wine and listening to old '60's tunes. It was warm and so tranquil and that's as perfect as it can get for me :)

    Thank you Miss Brenda for lovely questions
    Much love
    Michael :)x

  • Em
    8 months ago

    Upto date what is your favourite book and what is one you'd recommend? If the same that's fine I need new reading material lol

  • Darren
    8 months ago

    Hi Micheal

    Which poem are you most proud of?

    Which poem was the hardest emotionally to put out there?

  • Kitty Cat Lady
    8 months ago

    Yay, Michael's thread! :-)
    Michael your poems, without fail, either break my heart, make me swoon or make me laugh!
    Your comments are always so warm and encouraging and as a new-ish member I've really appreciated that xx

    My question to you ... I know you've recently turned 50. How do you feel you've changed since you were 25? What do you think has been the most useful thing you've learned (life lessons not skills)?

    =^.^=

  • Michael replied to Sinners gospel
    8 months ago

    Thank you Ss :)

  • Michael replied to Em
    8 months ago

    Hello again Em :)

    I went to see a play with my sister called- 'The Real Thing' (Lawrence Fox was brilliant), anyway I enjoyed it that much, I bought the book which is formatted in a play-form. its witty, sarcastic, funny, poetic and serious. Written by Tom Stoppard, which I will now read more of his books. Its all about relationships, and I definitely recommend this one lady :)

    Thanks for your questions Em
    Much love
    Michael :)x

  • Michael replied to Darren
    8 months ago

    Hi Darren :)

    Great questions - again many fit into the question, however I feel 'Bottoms Rock' was a very emotional piece. I wrote this around the time I really did hit 'rock bottom' in my life, and how I felt. The poem is all about my addiction, and how I felt-where I was. Although as I say there are many experiences I have written about in my life and how I reflect with poetry. Its a very emotional journey at times my friend :)

    A poem I certainly feel proud about, which is surreal in a way-but the 'Birds of a feather' I wrote again about addiction and the temptations that follow (all in my mind of course). But the beauty and sadness with this piece is the connection with Maple Tree and her daughter, to which at the time of writing it, I had no idea of Andrea's family situation. With what has happened recently, I felt I wanted to dedicate (slight edit) to Andrea and her daughter.
    So what makes me feel proud is that my poem and its unintentional connection, put a smile and may have given something to someone. Poetry is so profound and wonderful in all its shapes and sizes, and I have also sent poems to friends and family, which have a fitting with their lives. From the responses - its a damn good thing! :)

    Thank you again Darren
    Michael :)

  • Michael replied to Kitty Cat Lady
    8 months ago

    Miss Kitty K :)

    Thank you so much for your lovely comments. isn't that just the beauty of writing? :) The emotion from author to reader :)
    Your comments are always inspiring and encouraging (poetry isn't bad either haha!)

    Okay - from 25 - 50. I would truthfully say Kitty that most of the transitions are over the last 3 years. I have spent some very important time with myself, and learning to unlearn old ways and errors- including relationships, behaviour and fatherhood. Its certainly not been easy, with being alone, working through addiction, facing demons from child-hood and more. But its needed to happen and with a fantastic Therapist and writing and my sister and children, I'm making in-roads. I feel a happier person with me now and this reflects to my broader circle of family and friends, but still and will continue to learn- after all we are organisms' just growing and forever learning. The truth is Miss Kitty - I am not 'changing' as a person I'm just learning to 'manage' myself. All that I have is still within, like addiction for example. I will always own this, I can never be rid of that part of me, so I learn to self manage - awareness in truth of triggers or situations, taking note of how I react and feel in a situation and then act accordingly to help myself steer away disasters as much as possible. I haven't relapsed since I last stopped, so I proud and happy I'm pulling something off, and other things fall into place more naturally - I still have many faults and can be sad and down at times, but I know how I feel happier now too. Hope this all makes some sense haha! waffling Michael :)

    Thank you for a mind-opening question Kitty

    Much love
    Michael x :)

  • IdTakeABulletForYou
    8 months ago

    You're a very interesting man, Michael, enjoyed reading about you!

  • mossgirl19
    8 months ago

    Hello, Michael. Wow, I enjoyed reading the questions and your responses.

    I think the questions I would like to ask have been asked already, talking about 'favorites'. :-)

    So, this is more of the future. Aside from publishing your poems online, do you consider publishing?

    Where do you see yourself five years from now?

  • Kitty Cat Lady replied to Michael
    8 months ago

    Not waffling at all Michael! It's really interesting to hear about it. It's also inspiring to hear how you keep working on things to understand yourself better and improve your life. I have nothing but admiration for your determination to manage your addiction. X
    =^.^=

  • Michael replied to IdTakeABulletForYou
    8 months ago

    Thank you Stephen, that means a lot :)

  • Michael replied to mossgirl19
    8 months ago

    Hello Miss Mel :)

    What does the future hold?
    To be honest Mel, I haven't really looked into the 'world of publishing' although there is something very special about having poems in the broader poetry world and of course if there are of particular interest to publishers (all about making the money haha).
    I love writing for myself, my family and of course on PnQ. I mentioned before that I have on a few occasions, been asked to write poems for different people/occasions. It would be nice to expand in this way. I recently wrote one for a 'Best Mans' speech, which was such a lovely compliment and feel a sense of a proud moment. also an eulogy for another friend, so I'm doing something right I guess with writing haha!

    I have some ideas for poetry, and one which I am slowly working on with a website (which probably will be 5 years from now, with my tech skills :)) But would love to use poetry as therapy. I would like to look into work-shops within addiction centres, schools or any other establishments that may benefit from creative writing.
    My background comes from a non-educational life. I was thrown out of school at 14, took no exams whatsoever. But I believe our passions never come from studying, they come from the heart as I believe rigidly that if we dig deep enough, we will seek out our passion. this doesn't mean to say that it will be our 'fortune' but in my experience, my passion has helped me overcome many of my life's turmoil's. The fortune in life is to love and love ourselves to the best we can. So I'm not sure if my poetry is a money spinner really, but if it helps others and gives inspiration, then its certainly all worth it. But either-way, my poetry is me :)

    Thank you for questions Miss Mel
    Much love
    Michael :)x

  • Michael replied to Kitty Cat Lady
    8 months ago

    Ah!

    Thank you Miss Kitty K.

    Your words are so inspiring, and so kind of you to say these words

    Much love
    Michael :)x

  • mossgirl19 replied to Michael
    8 months ago

    Such very honest answers, Michael. Ahhh, that's great, that people around you are seeking for your poetry. A proud moment yes, and I am happy that you are heading that way. And wow, your website idea is commendable and tells me that you have already set in your heart the purpose of your poetry - it is reaching out. Poetry that will not remain on the page...you have a good heart. Haha, 5 years considering your tech skills...hmmm I'm sure it will not take that long. :-)

  • ddavidd
    8 months ago, updated 5 months ago

    I remember I was stunned by the wealth of your vocabulary while reading your poetries in the beginning. ( Ha ha I am in better shape now due to googling so many times) so do you mind if I ask: what is your educational background? Or maybe you are a self educated person like me.
    ( I hope you haven't answered this already.)

  • Michael replied to ddavidd
    8 months ago

    Hello ddavidd :)

    I did touch a little earlier on in this thread, however a more in-depth look I will give.

    I was expelled from school, just before exams and never returned. I did attend a different school for a little while, but to no avail. I knew that I was always expressive and an open person, and was always scribbling notes and rhyming. My Grandfather used to play a game- to rhyme words, until we couldn't anymore. I have no literacy skills or education at all in truth.
    I started writing poetry around 3/4 years ago, and was a little nervous when I first joined PnQ, as I read some of the authors poems, and thought wow these are amazing. I never read any poetry (apart from a little Shakespeare) and my knowledge in the poetry world is nil really, but I just loved rhyming poetry.
    Before this and before I owned a laptop, I bought a dictionary and started to explore words deeper. the English language is so beautiful, and the words all have an emotion behind them in some way. I was worried that I would never write, without rhyming and so wanted to. So over time with exploration, inspiration from others and my own deepness within, I started to write without rhyme-free verse and research words that really felt right for my poems. I mean like a word can really hit the button in poetry :). I know that I am a deep and sensitive person, which helps with poetry haha! amongst other things. also imagination is a wonderful art in its self, and producing imagery onto paper fro pen is simply beautiful, and you van go anywhere in your mind with it :)

    I hope this answers your question, and thank you for asking a great question

    Michael :)

  • ddavidd replied to Michael
    8 months ago, updated 5 months ago

    Thank so much Michael for responding. Your company is always warm and cozy.
    We were so much alike in our search for poetry.

  • silvershoes
    8 months ago, updated 8 months ago

    Okay, I'm all caught up. Great stuff, Michael!
    I'm sorry that you lost Floyd. 14 years is a good, long life for a dog. He must've been healthy and happy being with you to have lived so long.
    "The curious incident of the dog in the night time" is an excellent book. I read it as a teenager and recently picked it back up and read it again in one sitting (after getting a job working with kids who are on the autism spectrum).
    That's comforting and interesting to think that you have already lived your perfect day. I bet your mind wanders back there often.
    What a fun and adorable rhyming game you would play with your grandfather! That made me smile.

    Question #1: "But the reality is that for years I wasn't so upbeat and happy, but now I'm getting there :)" -- Was there a specific event that happened or a specific point in time that marks this turnaround for you?

    Question #2: Along that same line of thought, do you think people can completely change who they are with time and effort, do you think there is a core self that always remains unchanged, or do you think people never really change in any ways that matter? (or a 4th option if you can think of one!)

    Question #3: How/where do you write poetry before submitting it to PnQ? Do you write it directly on PnQ, on a Word document, on scrap paper, in a journal, on your phone? If you write it by hand, by pen or pencil? Why do you choose this way?

  • Michael replied to silvershoes
    8 months ago

    Hi Jane :)
    thank you for reading through and your comments in regards to my thread of life :)

    Okay - every turnaround comes with a long story behind it, I will make this brief which I'm sure you will get. The end of my addiction, has been the forefront of altering the way I chose to live (literally). I truly experienced 'Rock bottom', which I thought I was in many times, however this time had a few knock-on effects, which took me to as far as I could go. Now I feel that these things happened for a reason (I am a man of fate), to really have to make a decision to live or not. with the support of my wonderful sister, and a great friend of hers being a Therapist, I chose to live, fight and hope I got through. The emotional cost always outweighs the financial cost. But all has to be dealt with. My journey continues on now and I will continue with therapy, and mindfulness for how ever long.
    A lot of the journey has been deep-exploration into childhood. The damage caused, cannot be erased, so I am left to understand why for years my behavioural patterns were, what they were. It really comes down to understanding the 'child' in me and love, learning to open up my awareness and the triggers to behavioural patterns, and of course the will-power to stop! so the last three years have been so precious in terms of living alone, stopping addiction and learning to be compassionate to myself and love.... and on-going. But Jane I feel happier with myself, than I have ever done, and of course this reflect on relationship that have not worked out. Its about forgiving myself, and others (not easy :) and letting go :)

    I believe Jane that we are born who we are for life. The experiences we encounter, have profound effects on us as we grow-up, and so on. But our core is our core, the centre of us, that is a constant I feel. as a child, we have very little control over anything, we are so open and at our most vulnerable. I am not saying that what we see, or experience is what we will do in life. For example, my mother and father never smoked and hated smoking, but I smoke/vape, however some behaviours are learned, and acted out later in life, its all so difficult really and sad in some cases.
    I real feel that at 50 years old, I am not changing as a person. all that has happened right to this second, has happened, however for me to live a better, healthier life, changes have to be made in terms of behaviour, and what has damaged me, I am learning to manage. This takes a lot to understand, and a lot of exploration and of course support. We really are only accountable and responsible for ourselves, when it comes down to it. It is about making a choice at one time, and the results follow that decision, but we will never know until we live through it. then we may have to re-direct ourselves with counter-decisions so to speak. But we can never change what's happened to us, but from experience manage ourselves as best we can to avoid the consequences- I hope this makes sense Jane, as I waffle as I write. It makes sense to me, but then I have a little dyslexia on-going :)

    Haha- great question. I have so many scrap-books lying around, along with the backs of old birthday cards and pieces of paper :). I do love pen and paper, I am an old-school kind of chap. Technology is really not my game. I write poems on e-mail and send them back to my other email into a folder 'Michael's poems' haha! I am happy with this system, but I'm sure people think I'm mad :)

    Thank you Jane, great thought-provoking questions
    Much love
    Michael :)x

  • Kitty Cat Lady
    8 months ago, updated 8 months ago

    Such an interesting post Michael!

    What is your favourite photograph (personal to you, not 'art') and why?

    What one item would you save from your home if it was on fire (sorry to be maudlin, but I want you to think of the thing you'd grab in an emergency!)

    Xx
    =^.^=

  • Ben Pickard
    8 months ago

    Michael, your positivity and warmth really are infectious and quite literally break through my computer screen and take firm hold of me! You are a credit to yourself and this site is lucky to have you.

  • Michael replied to Kitty Cat Lady
    8 months ago

    Hi Miss Kitty :)

    The favourite question haha! trouble is at my age the favourites gather up, which is why I find it hard to have a 'favourite' thing :) I always feel that everything has a value of what it means to us. Its like watching two great movies, and I love both of them. Both have their value, but they are just different, which theme, content story etc. So they would both be my favourites for different reasons haha1 make sense?

    So two photographs are when Ellie and Tom were born.. that's it haha :) which nicely follows on to your next question, 'Photos' was the first thing that came to me, when I read the question haha! I have two photos of Tom and Ellie that exist nowhere else, and some tea bags haha :)

    Thank you Miss Kitty for wonderful questions
    Much love
    Michael x :)

  • Michael replied to Ben Pickard
    8 months ago

    Hi Ben :)

    Thank you fella, such lovely and inspiring words, which really do mean a lot. I take comments and compliments to my heart, they are so important if truly meant, for all of us.

    Its amazing how PnQ operates with poets that have never met, however there feels something deeper here, than just a virtual poetry site. And a great place for pople to express, write, and receive feedback from others. It is a special place :)
    So a big thank you to PnQ :)

    Thanks again Ben
    Michael :)