Weekly Contest Results, 11 June 20108

Poems are hardly ever simple. Their structure is often formed into complex patterns, such as a relatively unusual rhyme scheme, or short lines to carry the reader quickly along, or near rhymes that give a deliberate sense of discord, or long flowing lines to draw the reader into a state of reverie. The complexity may also lie within the substance of the work, such as with Michael’s whimsical and busy trip down an abundantly populated creek, Tara Kay’s deeply insightful exploration of grief, Ben P’s lament of his own suffering for art and the perfectly unbalanced scales of Purvi’s dreamland.

Front page:
along the Alver creek by Mr Darcy. Points: 20
The Sound of Heaven and The Number Seven by Tara-Kay. Points: 18
Paper Tomb by Ben Pickard. Points: 17 [site tie breaker]

~~~~~ honorable mentions ~~~~~
Snippets from your letters by Purvi Gadia. Points: 17
Don't Let It Galvanize by Ben. Points: 10
Ephemeral by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko. Points: 7
As Once I Ran Into You by Ben. Points: 4
But June Came And Citylights Broke My Heart by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko. Points: 4
Mercy by Maher. Points: 4
Soaking up and down by Michael. Points: 4

***** comments *****

along the Alver creek by Mr Darcy. Points: 10
The romp of adventure is epic and humourously told, with enough of the panic to draw the reader along into the marsh and mud. Excellent short-line quick-stepping. The life of the creek is explored in detail (people playing, birds wading, marsh grass, boats). Still, I’m left wondering whether they simply abandoned the kayak or retrieved it.

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along the Alver creek by Mr Darcy. Points: 10
Aside from the obvious hilarity of this piece, the descriptions and use of poetic tools like alliteration and onomatopoeia make this an absolute pleasure to read. The formatting's also a real treat with obvious time and attention given to it.
To the right
A couple of
Wading birds,
we laughed at their
funny walk
^^
It seems like those funny walkers had the last laugh in the end...

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The Sound of Heaven and The Number Seven. Points: 7
There is feature film’s worth of imagery in this, well composed, poem. I just could not let this one pass me by without comment.
This (a, b, b, a) poem is laid out in a series of snap-shots of images. There are so many, in just 4 stanzas, that each one could be expanded into a single poem. I very much enjoyed the precision of these images, any unnecessary language stripped away, leaving a crystal-clear vignettes.
The subject is fantasy horror and tells a story. From the start, the time-bomb starts ticking, each image a step closer, along a life story, to the fatal ending. The mention in the first stanza of a white feather and sounds of heaven, nicely opened a positive image. The last one, flipped it into a negative image, the white now black, the sounds of heaven, now silence. Life to death – fiction, or fact.
All of my choices this week are worth, in my mind, 10 points, but, alas, I can only award 7 points. Maybe the number seven is apt in this case?

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The Sound of Heaven and The Number Seven by Tara-Kay. Points: 7
I award this seven points this week for two main reasons: 1) the imagery is outstanding and 2) because the author has employed a rhyme scheme (ABBA) that is very difficult without sounding forced and rarely seen (especially done so well) on this site. A wonderful piece that I read and reread. Well done.

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The Sound of Heaven and The Number Seven by Tara-Kay. Points: 4
The imagery and rhyme scheme enhance the understated vagueness, yet the story comes through so clearly that you might have read it in the headlines: grieving widower takes his own life. The counterpoint of the white feathers (dove ascending) and ticking bomb (terminal illness) with the black feathers (raven, demonic) and gun is subtle but certainly layers the poem well.

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Paper Tomb by Ben Pickard. Points: 10
Why should I award 10 points to this poem? It is possible that some may read it and, like an orchestra playing behind a muted screen, miss the music. Fortunately, I have no muted screen and so enjoyed this poem to its fullest. The meter was truly wonderful, lines alternating, 6/5 metric feet and with an enjoyable alternating rhyme scheme. This is exquisite in its technical prowess as well as its contents.
My preamble may make this poem seem joyful and gay, it is not.
In the first stanza, the writer speaks of ‘labouring through nights’ writing poems, trying harder still each time, to create a masterpiece. The frustration is evident as it cries off the page.
I appreciated the ‘arrow loosed’ symbolising sending a poem off, hoping it will strike a bullseye. But no, the arrow (poem) is crooked (poor) and so it fails to hit. Again, the frustration is clear, this writer trying to meet the approval of the ‘crowds’. I could relate to this, writing a poem that you are sure will do well, then it fails to even receive a HM. I guess we are all learning to write, but also learning to appreciate the depths of poetry. If we cannot hear, can we enjoy the music?
The poem ends on a positive, though gruesome note. They will continue to write, using their pain as inspirations – the last arrow posted, undoubtedly will be an epitaph.
I award, this week, a thoroughly deserved 10 points.

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Paper Tomb by Ben Pickard. Points: 7
The author has beautifully blended a great mixture of tones and textures in this piece. The flow is wonderfully smooth. Along with the flow of the poem, the rhyming is well done, not at all feeling forced or exerted upon.
While I am unsure if this poem is about certain kinds of unsettling feelings the poet feels or wishes to portray, or is it about some kind of dissatisfaction or incompleteness in one's own writing, I personally feel that whatever it might be, whatever might be reasons for making the poet pen this, this poem is nothing less than beautiful. Well done and congratulations.

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Snippets from your letters by Purvi Gadia. Points: 7
The romance of dreams and the perfect lover. This freshens the read and the imagery of racing in flowing robes sets the surreal nature of the event. Loved how setting the scales to perfection places her into a state of imbalance - after all, that is the experience of love.

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Snippets from your letters by Purvi Gadia. Points: 10
Even in mere seconds of this snippet, I gathered enough to survive a lifetime. Your words have never been unfamiliar to me. Perfectly balanced!

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Don't Let It Galvanize by Ben. Points: 10
'Amethyst tears' fell upon my parchment on reading this. Is it alright to state that each word, each letter of this poem touched my heart that words fail to come out of my lips even when they are in appreciation and praise. I am in awe of it. The beauty of love, the heartbreak on the discovery of lies and betrayal, and the remorse of lost love —you have successfully balanced them all and left us with a remainder in the form of this wonderful poem which is nothing less than the utmost beautiful portrayal of feelings.

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Ephemeral by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko. Points: 7
The poem is not ephemeral as its title. I believe it is going to last in our heart for a long long time. Exactly, what I love to read or always try to find in a poem. Your poem gave me solace this week and I would love to read again and again in times of distress.

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As Once I Ran Into You by Ben. Points: 4
What a beautiful write that emerged from the pains of love. I have always found it extraordinarily amazing how somehow beauty tends to emerge from the pangs of pain. You have beautifully penned the emotions that stay with a person after losing love may it be the rejection of it or the end of a relationship. This poem portrays feelings so well that I'm left to feel that when all love ends, all it makes one feel is betrayal.

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But June Came And Citylights Broke My Heart by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko. Points: 4
Maybe I am feeling in a melancholy mood, maybe I just like a poem of longing for more? This poem touched me, reminded me of younger days when love always seemed just out of my grasp.
I like the free form used, the random stanzas, the individual lines, used to emphasise a sentence, a feeling and a point.
The title intrigued me, and this is a good start, draw the reader in with it.
I will not pretend to understand the deeper meaning of this poem, but the overall feeling of it hit me. The memory of heartache/break in the month of June is obviously significant to the writer. Coping for years, then again, ‘uninvited’ June is here again and with it, those memories and the poem starts:
Love lost can haunt a soul, but here, loss, is described in such a way that imagery brings life to mere words. It would have been so easy to talk of once being happy, but now, years on, sadness is all consuming. The writer chooses to describe previous happiness as a bluebird resting on a shoulder. Once this happiness has gone, the collarbone, like the bird has flown - turned to ashes.
The other reference that I enjoyed were the, ‘unremembered dandelions’. I have often blown the seeds from one and then made a wish. To utter this wish to another makes the wish null and void and so will not come true. In this poem, the wishes of love have been unremembered and so the heart breaks.
The writer has used the refrain of ‘city lights won’t break your heart’ to good effect. It ties the whole poem together, not just as bookends, but as reference to the time of night and the irony that they, despite the advice, broke his heart.
I award 4 points to this excellent poem.

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Mercy by Maher. Points: 4
The rhyming in this piece is fantastic and I appreciate the rhyme within lines, too.
A desperate write that is as melodic as it is melancholic. Well done indeed on this.

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Soaking up and down by Michael. Points: 4
No one can touch the level of creativity you have attained. I felt the other way around. Little by little, you are absorbing the pain or other negativity we all have with the sponge( beautiful words) of your poems. Your poems are evergreen, they don't need any occasions.
Thank you.

Congratulations to all the front page winners and HM's! Judges, a sincere thank you for your time and interesting comments. Larry, thank you for hosting.

Firstly, may I just say congratulations to Purvi who is as much a winner as I am and deserves the front page at least as much as I do. I never feel entirely comfortable having my poem chosen randomly over another equally deserving one.
The poetry on offer this week was truly wonderful and there could quite literally have been any number of winners.

Well done to all involved and thank you to the judges for their time and effort.

Thanks, Larry - your introduction was excellent. Music starts, guns revolve on a screen whilst shadowed girls dive across a screen..."nobody does it better..."

Thanks to, to the judges for their diligence and time. Also to Ben P for nominating my poem. BTW: this poem was a true event. It was only funny after the event! :)

Congratulations, to fellow winners and HM's

Congrats to the fab and worthy winners, HMs and nominees. Super stuff and great job from the judges! :-) x
=^.^=

Hi All :)

Thank you Larry for hosting.

Congratulations to all the front page splashers, and all HMs awarded

Thank you to all the judges for their sifting through many, many great poems each and every week. Thank you to the judge for my vote and comments, much appreciated.

Much love

M :)x

Wow Thank you for the nomination first off and the comments, really didn't expect this win. Haven't been writing as much as I used to so was very surprised and also humble to have received such praise.
Congrats to the other winners and HMs, well deserved.
X

ahhhh poems this week were awesome!! (or last week lol) thank you for my nominations and for the awesome comments on my poems really appreciated! well done winners and HMs alike :)