Comments : ENOUGH!!!

  • 15 years ago

    by Cara

    Enough.... , no more tears to spend
    holding my heart in pieces in hand
    mercy on me. my god please hear
    my screaming soul , bleeding my ears

    ^^ some touch ups:

    Enough, no more tears to spend
    holding my heart in pieces in hand
    Have mercy on me, my god please hear
    my screaming soul, bleeding my ears

    I dont really understand, bleeding my ears? So i cant really help out with that.. because i dont really know what you are trying to say. Also, i think that 'no more tears to spend' coul be changed.. spend doesnt sound right.

    enough ,,, no more work , no more lie
    no feeling inside , help me i die
    maybe i died and hell is present
    my god i ask me back to heaven

    Some changes:

    Enough, no more work , no more lie
    no feeling inside, help me, i die
    maybe i died and hell is present
    my God i ask take me back to heaven

    Even if adding taken into the last line makes the syllable count wrong, i think you should still add it and if you want the syllables to be better, than add something to the line above it so it matches.

    enough...no more sitting alone
    i will fight again to win your thrown
    i don't want to think time to act
    maybe this truth will turn to fact

    ^ my favourite stanza, just a couple of things.

    Enough... No more sitting alone
    I will fight again to win your thrown
    I don't want to think, time to act
    Maybe this truth will turn to fact.

    Overall a great poem CJ, just needed a little work.