Comments : You Know Who You Are.

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany

    Okay, so.

    You Know Who You Are.
    -- Right from the beginning you totally have me. It's a strong and accusing sentence. Really intriguing to the reader.

    Love is a bandaged,
    that dies in your arms.
    Never finding peace,
    in the buzzer and alarm.
    -- Love this idea, only the first line seems wrong. Like there's a grammatical error.

    Snooze doesn't help,
    it only makes it worse.
    With five minute naps,
    and a hell of a curse.
    -- This reminds me of my mornings before school =P But I love the rhyming here.

    When you finally awake,
    you're in for a day -
    one not worth walking,
    but you go on your way.
    -- I know that feeling. You just have this bad feeling about a day, or you just don't want to face it, but you have to get up anyways.

    Charming the world,
    with every fake smile.
    Walking the roads,
    for too long awhile.
    -- Love this. Can't even really explain what about it I love, I just really like it.

    You're fighting back tears,
    for all that you're worth.
    You know who you are,
    ruining this earth.
    -- I'm not sure I follow the message you're sending out here, but I love the first two lines of this stanza...the very last one seems almost forced, but see if I understood where you were going, I might not think that. So pretty much ignore me in this case =P

    Overall it's an awesome poem. Strong and classy. The rhyming and flow are wonderful.
    Keep it up =]
    5/5.