Thats really powerful x

I loved it =p

Its really nice
^^ yeah it is very powwerfull

-thanks for the comment.
-*aveena

In order to exclude bad,
Kinda lost a little flow here

didn't let nobody come in
Maybe try didnt let anybody come in

Other than those two lines i thougt it was amazing and you did a very vey good job. Your readers can feel the emotion you placed within.
thanx for the comment

suicidalkansas

I can relate to this alot. We all build walls etc. Well written, 5/5. Em