This works much better as a poem and has a good, steady structure. As before, you used good, great wording (sorry, I forgot to say that last time), and this piece was just a powerful. My favorite stanza was the first one, mainly because of the flawless flow.

I think that the first two lines in the second stanza are just a tad too long, and break the flow of the piece, but other than that, the stanza is brillaint.

The last three stanzas weren't quite as good as the first three, but why, I'm not quite sure. I think they couldn't quite keep my attention, but if that's the case, the fault is with me, and not your work. I think it could be that the flow wasn't quite a rhymic as in the first three stanzas. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Brad

A very good expression, well composed thoughts poured stanza by stanza..,
the first stanza introduces the thought of poem...
Rocking back and forth, in my solitude, curled,
the next two interrogative...make you read in the same manner as you questions the doubts of our existence...

Narcissistic people govern my every all,
They control the lessons I am taught,

these lines are just beautiful and thoughtful and true too... narcissism rules everywhere,
......
In a river of hate our children will drown,
the trauma of this disparaging world is vividly reflected in your line.
the poem probes deep and makes the reader think that if this will continue where our generations would stand.
Good one.

Wow this is ....all i can say is wow!!!

I definitely prefer your work with a rhyme scheme such as the one above, I think it makes it so much easier to read. You set out a nice steady rythym to this piece and followed it right the way through, very nicely done.

I think the thing I like most about this piece is the title, it doesn't give it away at the start. Until you read the piece you have no idea what the title is going to end up meaning. The only thing it implies is .. Read this poem and know the truth. A nice poetic, understated title.

This piece seems to be split into 2 halves of a whole, the first three stanzas explain the subjects upbringing and why they feel the world is out to get them and why they feel dejected. It feels like the subject is forced to see the world as a darker place, yet the final three stanzas show us evidence that the subject sees the world exactly as it is.

I really enjoyed reading this piece, I think the flow throughout was fantastic - when I read it aloud to myself it had the rhythm and flow of a song ... It made it that much more enjoyable to read.

Of all the pieces of yours I have read so far, this is definitely the best. Not only is it a good poem, but it is so true of life.

Keep writing and without a shadow of doubt; people will keep reading.

~Pete.

Wow, really like the way you describe the view of politics and mankind in this poem. It's obviously that you speak about the negative things of war and the government with it's people. You know to put those thoughts in a very good rhyming scheme and use the right words to describe your emotions.

Very well done!