Interesting. The words are simple, the first stanza is fairly cliche (please don't take that as an insult - I do it too).... and yet... there's something here. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think you've definitely got it in you. This piece started out like a fairly normal teenage-love poem, but with your use of rhythm and repetition, especially in the second stanza, you hinted at something much more original and refined. Please keep writing, and I'll keep reading.

Again great job
you are a really good writer
5/5