Wow, very explicit. Make sure to edit the very next to last line of poem. It has type o but no big deal. Um, where to start? Oh yes, aabb ccdd eeff gghh iijj kkll rhyme pattern was subtle and did not leave me frustrated like many often do. The poem does what it is suppose to as an explicit poem. Definitely able to imagine the whole scene.
As far as constructive notes:is to improve the flow of the poem. I always read my poems out loud and work on their effortless flow. Sometimes it helps to listen to a song that closely resembles the rhythm you want for the poem. The poem is good though

Great Poem!!
5**

You did an awsum job on this!..i totaly love the emotion u put into it....it almost made me cry.
5/5
great job
***aLy***