"On me glistening"
[On me, glistening]
- There needs to be a comma within this line due to the fact that it's separating 'sentences'

"So I stand here and
Let the fire grow
And let the wind"
[So I stand here
letting the fire grow,
letting the wind]
- I think that your original version of these three lines was a bit blunt and ill-poetic. Changing it up a bit and removing the word (used x2) 'and' makes it sound better and more poetic.

I enjoyed this poem. I figured by your lyrics that you could write some spicy poetry as well, unique too. You've done a swell job putting emotions into words with amazingly vivid imagery.