Comments : The Mask

  • 16 years ago

    by abullettotheheart

    :)
    my favorite

  • 16 years ago

    by country girl

    I really like this......... it reminds me a lot of myself

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    This poem reminds me on my earlier writes. I can relate to this piece cause I've been through the similar things a few years ago and that made this poem very effective for me. This is very good dark poem filled with engulfing emotions, written like some kind of haunting confessions. I like the whole atmosphere that you created and overall I could feel the emotions that you portrayed.
    The flow is very good from the beginning to the end, but I personally dislike this kind of rhyme scheme. I think that the poet should avoid rhymes except when he/she can create original, creative rhymes and there are some basic, cliche rhymes through this poem. I don't want to offend you cause I really liked this poem, I'm just saying what bothered me.

    - What's left of me is chained
    Against the wall in pain-
    ^^
    This is very powerful and it would be even better if you wrote "Against the wall of pain"

    - Barbed wire wraps around my slowly breaking heart
    Trying to keep it together
    But piece by piece fall through
    Making the heart smaller than before-
    ^^^
    This is probably my favorite stanza, it contains such powerful and vivid imagery. Amazingly written and truly effective.

    Keep writing!

  • 16 years ago

    by Gness

    Great work I like the rhyme scheme you used!