Lol i thought this wa an ok start lol

I like the idea you had with this, but you didn't do too great a job. No offense at all! It didn't really have any sort of rhythm. There was no rhyming either...I was so confused. I mean it made sense, but I was waiting for the rhyme and beat!
I think the first stanza went great, and the last one, if you just take off the last two words, I think it'll work great!
Keep up the idea though. The idea and the emtion was there, it was just all confused with the set up.

You did really well =]

For I feel less than human
cause my emotions are locked
please break them open for me.
--love this part
maybe make it flow better, but it's still really good