Comments : Broken Minute Hands May Be Hazardous To Your Health

  • 16 years ago

    by StandStill

    I only read the first half...i'll read the rest later when i can deal with love. first half is good

  • 16 years ago

    by MeltInHisArms

    Lol, i luv how u opened the poem in the opposite way u closed it. genius! 5/5
    xoxo
    ~waiting~

  • 16 years ago

    by StandStill

    Ok! happy overexuberant gabby comment time!! ^.^

    I'd like to start this poem off with a question
    Cause I don't understand
    Since when did clock makers
    Slow down the minute hand?

    ^^ lmao. no kidding. it's like.....you can't breathe and you're afraid the world is gonna end right there, because time already stopped, so it MUST be the end of time, eh?

    Cause I've been sitting in this classroom
    And you're waiting in yours
    And my mind sees myself
    Running out those doors

    ^^ haha...this is me seventh period. waiting to go to my locker even to see him for two seconds, to get a hug, a smile, a word...anything..

    I'm thinking this classroom is unsafe
    As we are running out of air
    And teacher, your clock is broken
    Minutes aren't hours; hardly seems fair

    ^^ I like how you addressed the teacher. it kind of rips the reader back into reality that this is a classroom....and no, it doesn't seem fair..

    Teacher, your words are useless
    What you say becomes a blurr
    I swear your clock is mocking me
    How long till I'm with her?

    ^^.....*deep breath*
    this stanza was really hard for me to read last night, knowing nobody thinks that way about ME...and that's selfish. the stanza itself is beautiful.

    ~~~~~~~~~~BELL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    ^^ once again, this is like tearing the reader back from thinking. it's a very concrete thing, that everyone has heard before...i like it here. ^.^

    As that bell finally rings
    I thought my heart would burst
    Now its time for our little game
    Whose heart will speed up first

    ^^ our little game......i don't know if i like the game or not, that's what i thought at first....this stanza is wonderful.

    You give me one of those hugs
    I put my arm around your waist
    You decide to play unfairly
    Stand two inches from my face

    ^^ HAHAHAHA. oh the irony.

    You know these sparks kill me
    But what do they do to you?
    I'm sure you can hear my rapid heart
    But you show no sign and give no clue

    ^^ "why don't you feel this way about me?" is practically screaming here..

    Now that I am finally here
    Our hour-glass drains quick
    Where did all our time go?
    Reverse this party trick

    ^^ the cliche is so perfectly summed up right there. which is awesome.

    I'd like to end this poem with a question
    Because I don't understand
    Since when did clock makers
    Speed up our minute hand?

    ^^ stupid clocks. they never work the way we want them to..kinda like love.

    this poem is wonderful jesse. i'm glad i was able to stomach reading it finally. thanks for writing it. keep up the cutesy crap. ^.^