Black cloud rising from my ashes
Blending with the scent of your skin
Stabbed again on my death bed
With memories of my lover's sin
^^^
I can feel the pain in this part ... the flashbacks of betrayal stabbing and striking.

What we called love is now war
Your putrid heart so full of lies
Time to rise again from my scars
In the end, my enemy has to die
^^^
The enemy has to die .... be it the memories or the failed love ... death of either would bring the anguished heart satisfaction.

Sleep my love on the edge of a knife
Be scared when I enter your dreams
Tonight I will end your seven lives
Dancing with your melodious screams
^^^
I loved this part ... especially ...
"Sleep my love on the edge of a knife"
Chilling ... gives me goosebumps

Hell awaits you my dear angel
Pay for the blood spilled when I cry
Trust my hatred for you this time
Run to burn after reading this lullaby
^^^
Excellent ending stanza Nitin!
"Hell awaits you my dear angel"
^^^
Awesome line ... Hell and Angel in the same line ... I can feel the air of sarcasm in the tone.

You have penned an excellent read Nitin!
Luanne

Nitin
You did an awesome job on this. Your poem went so well with the title you picked for the challenge.
As I read this I got chills. Very dark, disturbing and just plain spine chilling. You really succeeded in pulling off the creepy feeling you were going for. You talent shines in this dark piece yaar.

Black cloud rising from my ashes
Blending with the scent of your skin
Stabbed again on my death bed
With memories of my lover's sin

The imagery and word choices in this poem left a very vivid picture in my mind. Jilted and betrayed by a lover and now seeking revenge.

What we called love is now war
Your putrid heart so full of lies
Time to rise again from my scars
In the end, my enemy has to die

The way you have written this it is like I can see each scene from each stanza as it takes place...almost like watching a movie.

Sleep my love on the edge of a knife
Be scared when I enter your dreams
Tonight I will end your seven lives
Dancing with your melodious screams

Here I see a lover so insane from the pain of what has happened. Just the thought of someone dancing with joy while the other is tourtured is just mind boggling.

Hell awaits you my dear angel
Pay for the blood spilled when I cry
Trust my hatred for you this time
Run to burn after reading this lullaby

Sorry I hit the submit before I was done. So I will finish my comment .

Hell awaits you my dear angel
Pay for the blood spilled when I cry
Trust my hatred for you this time
Run to burn after reading this lullaby

This poem just stays in your head after reading it. Sure to bring nightmares. The effect on the reader is fantastic :) I'm sure glad I'm on your good side.
Excellent job!
Love Cindy

Boohooo Nitin!

You scared me with this evil promise!
The Nitin I know has the friendliest face on the planet, so this must be another Nitin, lol!

You did well on this, but it is a very cary poem!

Hugs,

Ingrid

Wow, thats so very deep, really well written great job xxx

This was an awesome piece!!.. full of intense emotions and deep descriptions.

"Sleep my love on the edge of a knife
Be scared when I enter your dreams
Tonight I will end your seven lives
Dancing with your melodious screams "

This stanza was deep, loved this poem through out. Awesome job!!

^Black cloud rising from my ashes
Blending with the scent of your skin
Stabbed again on my death bed
With memories of my lover's sin ^

Excellent use of a metaphor in the opening stanza.

^What we called love is now war
Your putrid heart so full of lies
Time to rise again from my scars
In the end, my enemy has to die^

Excellent portrayal of the thin line between love and hate.

^Sleep my love on the edge of a knife
Be scared when I enter your dreams
Tonight I will end your seven lives
Dancing with your melodious screams^

OOOH what a dark and evil stanza.

^Hell awaits you my dear angel
Pay for the blood spilled when I cry
Trust my hatred for you this time
Run to burn after reading this lullaby^

Well, you grabbed and kept my attention. Although this genre is not my favorite, you have done a good job on this piece.

Nice pome. keep on writing
I have also written a poem I would be happy if u read it. " Red Pain"

Amazingly perfect

The sadness and anger is so intense in this piece, the smooth flow and rhyme was so clear, the words haunted like a loud whisper.
Powerful words gripped the very soul clearly ripping you up inside.
well done for expressing so well 5/5

This sends chills down my spine. I can imagine this poem playing through my mind, I can feel the pain and sorrow coming at me from between every line of this pekm. you hold the reader in suspense and make them begging for more. amazing job you did! I LOVED this. 5/5 and favourited.
xox;
kyomi

Wow...amazing...luv it 5/5 take care

Now thsi one i like very much

good work
much emotion the topic is good too , and the describe of the once love now war is great!!

Really nice! :) keep up the good work!

Nitin..that was amazing
God, you're a amazing poet...you should publish a book or something
I loved the 1st stanza the most.
way to go friend =)
rock on

Love the dark imagery.
it is a great read
evil and yet it seems warranted.
5/5