Comments : Apologies to this Pencil

  • 16 years ago

    by StandStill

    Oh...you have NO idea jesse. not a CLUE..

    How it feels to be alone

    ^^...aloneness in its many forms hurts..more when nobody knows who you are. sorry. personal analysis..

    great poem, as always.

  • 16 years ago

    by Dan Bloom

    Hey! Love the idea... god it's really cool.

    couple possible suggestions

    Apologies to my pen
    My hands feel like stone
    How fitting is that feeling?
    How it feels to be alone

    If you keep hands plural, it states that you're writing with two hands. I would make it

    Apologies to my pen
    My hand feels like stone

    makes more sense

    Apologies to this pen
    Drain out your dark ink
    Darkest words flow here
    Darker words make Reader think

    In the last line I would switch Darkest and Darker because Darkest puts more of an emphasis on the phrase.

    Also, in the last line, Darker words make Reader think, I would change Reader to Him/Her depending on who you're writing it to. It flows better with the syllable count. Or, you could put Darker words flow (on) here and keep Reader in the next phrase and it flows just as well.

    So it would look like this:

    Apologies to this pen
    Drain out your dark ink
    Darker words flow here
    Darkest words makes him think

    Or

    Apologies to this pen
    Drain out your dark ink
    Darker words flow on here
    Darkest words make Reader think

    It's an awesome poem. Love the sympathy for the pen and pencil! A great idea.

  • 16 years ago

    by mrsmoore

    I love this poem in so many ways. It's amazing. The meaning of the poem, the way it is written. Its beautiful.