I think this is a very excellent poem =) I love the way you compared and loved your rhymes ^.^ I found some little mistakes, but it surely deserves a 5/5.

"i love the way the way that she breaths" You say "the way" twice and "i love yous" There no reason for an S after you. Just pointing out what i thought might be a typo *I do it all the time >.<* Keep up the great work!!

She loves the way that i tease,
i love the way the way that she breaths,
she licked her lips, and pulled my hair
i fall in love for the night.

thats from the song situations by escape the fate. Incase you didn't know.

You did an awesome job! I can totally feel you! That shit is deep. lol :)