Truely a great piece of work i hope it is not about me thinking to stop writing because i would hate to hurt you . on the otherhand though it is a wonderfull piece if you need help on nepoem you know to give me a call

Mike

This is not a exception n this poem has Hope written all over it...... N Hope never fades nor dies....

Thingz do happen n goodbyes I know tey can kill..... n we think n dream a lot of things but .... But it never works 4 us humans... we think of low tide n tat day there will b high...

Still U have d whole universe... U have d whole ocean///// U have d whole land.... N there r far more magical n beautiful things as u n ur kind words too that have masked n locked themselves.... N they r all waiting arms open.........

Keep sharing ur wonderful poems.... n thoughts..... B it dark, sad, love, misc, about life..

u r d best n I still bet u can still write wonderful poems like those 100 plus u did b4.....

So all d best n good luck...

best wishes,...

karan

"...It's so easy to break what once was built,
had you ever tried to maintain instead of let wilt.."

Wowzers.. this is such a sad write.. its like monday morning sadness.. to me.. a great write..
very simple words.. and flow ws nice too .. in short
Amazing !

~Wake~

"...It's so easy to break what once was built,
had you ever tried to maintain instead of let wilt.."

Wowzers.. this is such a sad write.. its like monday morning sadness.. to me.. a great write..
very simple words.. and flow ws nice too .. in short
Amazing !

~Wake~

At last you said those words I dread,
Goodbye, just leave - breaking all we had.
It's so easy to break what once was built,
had you ever tried to maintain instead of let wilt.
`Very nice opening stanza -- clearly gives the reader an idea of what happened, without being completely forward. The use of "break" twice in the same stanza takes away from the power of the word. Try another choice of vocabulary, maybe? And also, there should be an "it" between let and wilt (:

I had always considered you such a great friend,
building ways and worlds for old ways to mend.
Shared in happiness and sorrowful days too,
Yet now only left thinking of nothing new.
`Hm, this stanza is a gutter...I don't know whether it's good or bad. The first line seems like a mouthful -- I feel like you could shorten it. "Ways" used twice in the same line, takes away from the stanza. And I feel like the rhyme for the second half of that verse was forced.

It's the same sad story that depicts my life,
one day you're surrounded - the next day a new strife.
`This rhyme ... It works, and yet at the same time it doesn't. But I like the concept of the lines.

I'd always thought you'd be the one,
instead you've portrayed only pain to come.
`Same goes for the rhyming.

Wishing I'd never met you is a wish I cannot make,
for though you wish that everything would break,
deep down I cannot even hate nor fuel my rage.
For it is not your fault - just circumstances leading to a bitter stage.
`OOOH ! So far, best stanza by far! You open with a tone that sounds sadly angered -- even just slightly, but here the first line speaks the truth of many broken friendships that most will not admit -- that no matter how pained you may feel, you just can't come out and truly wish that you'd never met. Beautiful !

And yet as I drift aimlessly along,
I realize that in your life I never did belong.
`Argh, rhyming again ...

I replaced your heart when all was dead,
lifted you from that place that only made you ache.
`The beauty of friendship -- amazing choice of words to portray holding up a mate.

and there was this one person that removed this frown.
`I feel it would be better as without the "this."

why is it so that this is what you do?
`Here, I feel like there should be another word stuck in there. Like "Why is it so that this is what you always do?" It sounds better in my head, but I don't know how it'll sound to you. Or maybe I'm just adding in an unnecessary word O_O

Faith was placed in a stranger unknown,
stories of my world and life that were never known.
`The rhyme, I felt was weak. You don't have always have to rhyme ! So choose another word? Because the idea here ... It's absolutely awesome.

I didn't like the ending ... It felt feeble. The picture it gives me: Great. But the wording... Just flimsy! There's some work here and there to be done with syllabication and rhyming again, but overall, this was another nicely written piece. You have a way with words -- but sometimes, the bulb loosens and your light dims a little. Fix it ;) Because I know this can be better than it already is.
..__MiNDYY

You have forced the rhyme in every stanza of the poem. I got the message but with your repetition and poor grammar, you did not keep my attention. I understand it is a sad portrayal of someone who lost a friend, but as a poem it needs a lot of work!