I really like the general idea and timeline of the poem but have a few suggestions.
dont have to listen to them. just what i think
i would change the fourth line b/c the rhyming seems a little awkward
im not sure if this is an effect you were going for but it threw me off that the 12th line didnt rhyme
i think it could have a stronger ending too
dont mean to sound harsh and i think it has a lo t of potential
keep up the writing
=)

This is an out standing poem i really like it.