Hey, this is an excellent idea I love it; although, my suggestion is a few adjustments. In line two of the second stanza if I am correct "loose" should be "lose". Also, in the first line of the third stanza "your" should be "you're" and Im not sure that line in a whole makes sence.
Lastly, in the third line of the fourth stanza where you write laying under stars... "laying" should be "lying". If you want some explanation to any of my suggestions message me and I would be glad to respond.