Comments : Intermission

  • 11 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Wow. I never really read what other members had submitted into the contest.. but now I realize that this poem definatly deserved to be the best poem out of them all. This poem contains such an amazing flow and such describable words.. Amazing work! This poem deserves beyond a 5/5. =)

  • 11 years ago

    by Nix

    -Intoxicating whispers
    roll softly off the lips.
    Such sweet reminders
    of eternal bliss.
    Devotion leaks from the creases
    of a soul.
    This was meant to happen.-

    ^I read this and it amazed me, but last line absolutely threw me off. I just didn't expected it. I think, you opened this poem brilliantly and on very creative way started to describe emotions, I just think that line doesn't fit.
    Though when you read whole poem and see repetition of it I still don't like it, each time that line left negative impression on me, but that is just my opinion.

    - A melody of words
    beat to the rhythm of a heart.
    Never press stop;
    always set to repeat.
    Flushed with red,
    cheeks light up brighter than neon.
    This was meant to happen.-

    ^Very vivid stanza. I like your choice of combinations of words and the way on which you express yourself, it is simply beautiful.

    -Tears crash to the ground
    as if an earthquake has struck.
    Bliss turns into broken.
    Repeat turns into delete.
    Dreams have become shattered nightmares.
    This wasn't meant to happen.-

    ^Picture of first two lines blown my mind, so refreshing idea and very remarkable imagery.
    I don't like using word -bliss- twice and second line wasn't that effective.
    Third and forth line are also absolutely fascinating, I must applaud you for writing them.
    And than when I started to read last line I thought that repetition will get so much more sense now.
    but you wrote -wasn't- I really don't see why. Because if you go with thought -this was meant to happen- through whole poem and write that as a last line that shows great impression of something which is beautiful but it leads to destruction, so that gives even deeper meaning if you compare it with life, but maybe that is just my impression.

    Anyway I didn't like couple of things here but others took my breath away, so bravo for writing this, I will put it into my favorites and nominate it, it deserves both.