Ooh . I liked it . There were just two points that bothered me :

monsters away.

Thoughts are slipping away.
`use of away right after another . Same goes for before it, the use of "falling." but they're pretty light things.

[You were suppose to save me.]
`supposed*

But seriously, I really adored this . It's not written in poetry format, but I read it as a piece. I just pretended you forgot to press enter :)

I like the use of brackets -- it's effective, and I read them as a whisper; a taunting one that's not angry, really, just curious--wandering.

I imagine this is how it feels to fly. Weightless. The rush of falling.
`I think I actually shivered right here, and at the end (love your end by the way, but I'll get to that later ;]) It's sort of ... dazzling, the way this gives the words freedom. I can practically feel the wind in my face.

I can feel the water fill my lungs. It's odd.
`This whole piece is calming, relaxed. So when I got to this part, and I was reading it with a chill sort of ambiance, it was really potent . Like, water filling my lungs? What? Wouldn't you be freaking out and not just thinking "It's odd." But then I find the sort of ... irony really beautiful. 'dunno. Maybe I'm just weird.

And your ending ... grawrr' I totally spaced out on what I was going to say about it. It's so simple, but I found it stunning. Your words just flowed, and they seemed to be effortless.

You write some charming things without really trying :)

..__MiNDYY

WOW! This was definately something very different, unique in every sense and yet I enjoyed the feelings that you were able to convey. It's a really powerful piece of work and I'm actually spellbound by what was written here.
The opening was good and I like the way you first talk about the darkness and the next line just says : "Tranquil" - kinda reminds me of the silence before the storm.

I also really enjoyed the way you first say:
"[I wonder if you'll miss me.] "
and then "[I forgive you..] " - just emphasises your pain and also a part of forgiveness that is so hard to do.

Really I think that this is a superb write! 100/5